I appears the plight of the Attachment Disordered child who has had many sets of parents in their young life is there is often a cycle that repeats itself in future generations when healing halts regresses or fails .
I may have previously shared my philosophy that performing offensive actions we have failed to forgive may just be part of a Divine plan to ultimately promote forgiveness.
Forgiveness is essential.
Allowing the offended the opportunity to experience things from the perspective of the offender grants us insights that might have otherwise gone unseen. It seems to me the less we understand the harder it might be to extend forgiveness... The more perspective we gain helps us to more readily excuse less than stellar actions from others that have in-likeness hurt us.
"Officially dx'd RAD" adoptee had been on again off again with a guy whose kid is our young granddaughter's age. As both girls were learning to talk, each kid would (out of respect?) call the other's parent "mom" or "dad."
Grandbaby-daddy makes kids he won't support with whomever will participate. RAD thinking's solution is support baby-daddy (who won't work on the books because then other baby mommas might make their claim against his money). Our daughter puts her child in his "care" so she can earn money "on the books" while he openly beds down with whomever is willing in front of the child. Our daughter had expressed concern if "something happens" while Ho of the moment is drugging, our daughter may lose custody of that child because she ultimately keeps endangering the child by leaving her in such dangerous circumstances. RAD thinking justifies this endangerment because keeping reckless baby daddy actively involved in the child's life will keep her daughter from experiencing the heartaches our daughter herself experienced as a child who eventually ended up with us as her 19th set of parents at age six...
Right?
One of the most consistent evidences of how RAD has affected our daughter for as long as we've known her is poor cause-and-effect reasoning skills.
It's not that she never "gets it" usually she will... eventually...
Her counselor would frequently express how imperative it is that for our daughter's mental health we allow her to experience "natural consequences" of her poor choices. It will help heal her brain.
It's hard to sit by allowing our adopted children to hurt their own children the way their parents hurt them.
I titled this post with a question I ponder...
How many parents will our grandchildren have?
I know a huge part of our adoptees psychological issues is the fact they have had so many mommies and daddies before us...
I know baby daddy is a womanizer. Ugh. Women can be such suckers for a man with a baby! I'd not be surprised for a moment if playa-baby-daddy woos whomever he's currently "entertaining" by having our grandchild call each next gullible woman "mommy."
I'm willing to bet our daughter might be a little more discretionary in whom she encourages her daughter to call daddy... What her standard for how many days or what milestones must pass before each boyfriend becomes the next "daddy" I honestly don't know...
Point is I'd not be surprised if our granddaughter, like her mother, will by adulthood, have many "daddies and mommies" as mom follows attachment disorder's path through numerous relationships. Oh how we pray that would not be the case!
I also wonder how our grandchildren raised by those inflicted with Attachment Disorder will define their "real" family as they enter adulthood having entertained their bio-parents' assorted romantic interests and assorted parental substitutes each as additional mommies and daddies.
So much to cover in prayer. Ahhh the privilege of "really" being mom and dad!
Hubby and I continue to pray our adoptees will take the difficult steps to find healing, stop manipulating, and allow themselves to experience truly loving relationships for their own sakes and for the sake of their children.
