Books on BPD... So Much Applies to RAD!

I first saw "I Hate You Don't Leave Me!" in a counselor's waiting room.  I opened it mid-way and the first thing I read was a part about how BPD individuals keep creating "lose lose" scenarios... where NOTHING the people who love them do will be right. 

I just about jumped out of my chair and said "YES!!!!! EXACTLY!!!!!!"

The Stop Walking on Eggshells book has a list of "common non-BP thinking"  and contrasting "facts" about our situation.

I'm paraphrasing....
"We (who love bpd people) often believe IF we can convince the person with BPD that we are telling the TRUTH... that we are right, these problems will disappear.  
...
The TRUTH is BPD is a serious mental illness... we can't talk our loved ones out of mental illness no matter how convincing we are."  

I have since remembered many things that remind me that my adopted children... the "officially diagnosed RAD" especially... HAVE been traumatized long before we ever knew them... they DO have brain damage... it is not their fault. 

Our "officially diagnosed" daughter once tried to jump out of our moving minivan because she "heard" Daddy yell at her to "get out NOW!" 

The whole family was in the van and our daughter was the only one who "heard" that.  

I realize that "hearing voices" is a MAJOR issue.  It is part of what led up to her getting the referral from the state-provided counselor for a psychiatric evaluation.

It helps me to realize what is "real" in our RAD's mind may IS NOT the reality most people live in. 

Whatever the issue is called... RAD or BPD...

It really sucks for us... but it sucks for them worse... The Eggshells book points out we who love people with BPD can take a break from their mental illness...

They cannot. 

1)Stop Walking on Eggshells: Taking Your Life Back When Someone You Care About Has Borderline Personality Disorder Randi Kreger, Paul Mason MS

2)The Stop Walking on Eggshells Workbook: Practical Strategies for Living with Someone Who Has Borderline Personality Disorder by Randi Kreger

3) I Hate You--Don't Leave Me: Understanding the Borderline Personality by Jerold J. Kreisman, Hal Straus

Necessary But Not Enough.

LOVE IS NOT ENOUGH

HOPE IS NOT ENOUGH


I believe the first book published for parents parenting RAD kids was  When Love Is Not Enough: A Guide to Parenting Children with RAD by Nancy Thomas .   Published 2 years after our RAD was officially diagnosed, it was not a resource available to me.  Our officially diagnosed RAD's  behavior began to improve tremendously during her third year in our home (2nd year post-diagnosis.)  I found Nancy Thomas's book in 2009; AFTER our young adult RADkids RADtypically melted down.  I found  Love Is Not Enough during the age-appropriate season for young adults to embark on their adult lives... a season where healthy steps toward healthy detachment stirred up memories of abuse/neglect/abandonment in our young-adult-adopted-children. Abuse/neglect/abandonment that began their life long before entering our loving family.  I instantly remembered the diagnosis "Reactive Attachment Disorder with Hypervigilance" when family member reminded me our children were DEEPLY TROUBLED when they were removed from the foster system and placed in our loving home. 

"Experts" say that RAD can grow into BPD Borderline Personality Disorder.  The little I've read on the subject it appears there IS much behavior BPD's display that parallels RAD.

Investigating the topic more, I began looking for books on the subject. I found When Hope is Not Enough: a how-to guide for living with and loving someone with Borderline Personality Disorder by Bon Dobbs

Love is not enough!                                  

                                 Hope is not enough!

YET...

Both are necessary... 

       FOR ME...

...to carry on!      

Neither have to be reciprocal. 
Although It would be oh-so-nice if they were!

Color me eternally hopeful!