Giving Thanks and Babies

This Thanksgiving I got to spend much time with two little ones.  One, just turned one and is taking her first steps... 8 consecutive steps at our house thrilled her grandparents because it had been the most she'd taken to-date.

The other little one is our oldest daughter's friend's first child.  He's almost two months old. 

I thoroughly enjoyed time with the house hustling and bustling with guests of all ages... and I especially loved time with the little ones.

I've always been "good with kids."  That's part of the reason why I've enjoyed being mom so very much!!!



In the midst of enjoying these sweet babies whom we celebrated with great anticipation their arrival, as well as each and every milestone they continue to achieve,  there is a little one, because of her mother's estrangement we don't have permission to celebrate. 

I've contemplated various "celebrate her life anyway" ideas... donating gifts "in her honor" to various crisis pregnancy organizations... I just can't get worked up about doing that, yet. 

Hubby Continues to Find Support in Awesome Places

Hubby signed up for a study of Pastor Tony Evan's book, Kingdom Man.

 First week was introduction where the men each shared a little bit about who they are.  Uncharacteristically, during introductions, hubby mentioned he currently struggles with troubles brought into our lives courtesy our adult adoptees, their behaviors as young adults exactly matching the symptoms list of the mental illness diagnosed years earlier when they were first placed with us.  That same night, after that first meeting, an "elderly gentleman" in his 70's quietly said he needed to talk... it turns out he is also an adoptive father, 20 years ahead of our experience, and now grandfather to many of his adopted daughter's multiple children, by many different men.

Hubby came home encouraged.   He is not alone in this journey.

Week after week Hubby was eager to "do his homework" for the class... loving the contents of the book, and the fellowship among men who were studying this book with him.

Several, quiet conversations afterwards with the more experienced adoptive father were definitely a bonus.

Fast forward to the last class... where this group of men who had been coming together to share their experiences, their hopes and struggles in walking out Kingdom values as men in our culture, time to say goodbye.

Hubby has a "ministry" not for profit, not for tax deduction, it's something he's good at,  enjoys doing that benefits others... and he offers his services to whomever could be blessed by computer repair.  His "day job" pays way more than his repair work ever could... but he loves to have his hands in electronics troubleshooting and repairing.  We decided long ago "charging" for services to earn a profit robbed the family of time, because his "overtime" computer repair work earned far less than minimum wage... and he was doing it more as a hobby.  It became obvious that the average person who needs computer repairs finds the repairs to be quite expensive... and would be blessed if hubby "donated" his services tinkering to repair their computers.  The joys associated with working to serve the Lord is worth so much more than any money hubby might earn from dedicating the bulk of his time off towards tinkering on his financially unprofitable passion. 

At the last class, when the men were saying goodbye to the other men they had bared their hearts to regarding life... my hubby described his "ministry" and passed out a business card with his full name and contact info on it.

One man came up to him... and apologized. 

Outside of this class, my husband didn't know this man... at all.

Outside this class, this man knew OF my husband, but didn't know until he saw the name... my husband was a man he'd heard MUCH about. 

You see... this man was a neighbor to our adult-daughter's "rescue mommy" ... this man worked at a "christian" business with our adult RAD. 

This man couldn't figure out why our daughter, an adult, lived with a senior citizen couple that was not her own parents.

When he asked what was up with the very strange living arrangements... our daughter gave him ears full... of RAD garbage.

He spent endless hours trying to "counsel" our daughter how to handle her "plight"... to the point his wife was wondering if our daughter was "the other woman."

Before this class... this man had no idea who my husband was... but through this class... as the men shared the burdens of their heart to serve God honorably in all they do... this man got to really know my husband.

This man saw the card, saw my husbands full name, and immediately identified "the stories" as stories about my husband.  This man apologized, profusely for his involvement in our family.  He apologized for being so easily duped.

He apologized.  From out of nowhere.  We weren't even aware he'd "meddled" at all... we didn't even know he existed.  We're grateful truth was revealed to his heart.  We're grateful he stepped forward to make things right.

We continue to pray for all who have been duped into believing the lies, manipulations, and triangulations of Reactive Attachment Disorder.  We pray they'd be convicted of their wrongs, and heartfully sorry, not condemned forever for their unwitting evils... see... he... like most involved... really believed he was helping... until truth was revealed.

Lord have mercy!

So Tired I Hurt... With Waves of Awesomeness

I have the most amazing husband in the whole wide world!!!!

His only ambition for me today is to rest up... while he continues nose to the grindstone of his employment.

I went into this weekend overtired... but the good kind of overtired where you're exhausted from doing things you love.

My home-house-where-I-live-89%-of-the-year has had a revolving door filled with visitors whom I love arriving and departing... and I LOVE seeing them all!!!!!

The MOST AMAZING WEEKEND of the year happened smack dab in the middle of it all, and as all my beloved visitors have been making their reservations, I've informed them ANY dates are fine BUT nothing messes with MY weekend.

 I thanked my ETAAM housemate for smoking yesterday morning... because if she hadn't been out there we would have missed the magic of hot air balloon awesomeness wafting effortlessly above our Hollywooooooooooooooooooooooood.

Snowstorms and cancelled flights threatened to impose on MY weekend... but hubby who is THE original Superman assured everyone my disabled sister would be well cared for and arrive safely at her destination three days into the time we had allotted for MY weekend.

The delivery of items that were supposed to allow me one day earlier admittance into MY weekend ended up not being scheduled for delivery until 7pm the first official full-day of the weekend had me chasing brown down bright and early.

 I got a sneak peek at the early morning workings of how brown does what it does... it's a well oiled machine.  Superhubby assured me that IF I had been unsuccessful in chasing brown down, he'd gladly drop the booklets off whenever we needed them.

As I sit and ponder all this weekend has held... I'm tearfully (the joyfilled kind) overwhelmed with the fact I have such an amazing hubby...

I'm overwhelmed and verklempt from the memory vignettes of MY "moments" spent with THE MOST AMAZING MOMMAS IN THE WORLD!!!

HOLLYWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD 

Looking Forward

What a delight it is to have things to look forward to!!!!!

Hubby and I just returned from a month and a half of traveling, and the anticipation of the getaway was almost as delightful as the actual get away itself!

For our 29th anniversary we decided to cruise Canada's St Lawrence Seaway in search of fall colors.  We left our home in the land of balmy palm trees and sandy beaches and headed towards what we don't normally get to enjoy in the comforts of our own home.

The cruise was DELIGHTFUL!!!!    Our ship left Manhattan and we sailed north.... I got the biggest kick out of sitting on our boat deck and watching our ship's pool and curly yellow slide pass under the Varazanno bridge.  I was thrilled to watch as Lady Liberty wished us a bon-voyage. 

As we returned to the ship at the first port we visited, I noticed the ship's crew at the welcome center all using their electronic devices.... "Hmmm... free wi-fi?" I wondered. 

I put my phone into wi-fi mode and was pleased to see messages trickle in.  It was there that I got the next RAD punch in the gut.  Oh this really seems to be a life-long journey.  A concerned individual sent me the ultrasound our 3years estranged RAD had posted.  We're going to be grandparents.

I am the kind of person that is always happy to hear about babies.   Abounding joy was not my first reaction. 

I've heard "Baby-Daddy" has three other kids by other women.  This is his fourth... her first. 

I know people from my generation who have been "tied" to their child's "other parent" in much less than joyous scenarios. 

I know the heartache of raising children whose "first parents" were not there for them. 

I have no idea what this generation's multiple "baby-mommas/baby-daddies" is like.

Well... that's not true... my sister-in-law at 15 met a 40 year old man at the teenage hang out who had a very successful line "In my country you are considered a woman, not a child!"  It worked on about six different 13-16 year old girls who also carried his children.  (God knows how many never conceived!!!!)

I know my nephew is a very broken individual.  He grew up in a town full of his half-siblings.  We saw him go through the "where is my daddy, why does he hate me?" He's spent the first decade and a half of his adult life floating between jail and rehab.  His mother has always used men for all they could give her then thrown them to the curb.  My heart breaks for my nephews over the more than subliminal message that my sister-in-law keeps showing her sons of what men are good for.

Broken people... having broken people... having broken people... Hubby's sisters are all half-sisters... their bio dad died of cirrhosis of the liver mid 40's.  They each have their major issues. 

ugh... I was so much happier focusing on the positive... thinking about our beautiful trip, and all the loving family and friends we got to see!!!!  

We spent the full month after the cruise visiting family... so very wonderful!!!

Many of those we visited will be visiting our home very soon.... I not only have to unpack... I have to get ready for their arrival. 

I'm smiling again with anticipation!!!!   I think I'm going to make some countdown calendars for our various visitors arrival... 

God please help me to focus on the positive!!!!

Philippians 4:8

Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.

The Not-So-Delicate-Anymore Orchid

The Mother's Day just before RAD melted down, the two (who would just 2 1/2 months later become estranged) gave me a beautiful orchid. 

Shortly after Mother's Day, that beautiful delicate orchid appeared to die off.

It then come back with glorious blooms a couple of times before our RADs had their meltdown. 

I had never owned an orchid, before... had always wanted one...  had heard they were difficult to care for. 
I was amazed in the beginning how so-very-easy this beauty was! 

After our RADs melted-down the orchid went stagnant. 

It looked like it had some life, but no matter what I did, it wasn't thriving and it certainly wasn't giving blossoms. 

I tried to "save" the plant, but tired quickly of investing so much effort caring for something, though once beautiful, that was not giving back. 

I also had much pain looking at a reminder of my adopted children's loving generosity... reminding me of a time that I was blissfully ignorant our beloved adoptees were fast in-the-process of spiraling downward toward a crash that would devastate us all. 

I hate to give up on beautiful living things.  

I hate to give up on ugly living things.  

I hate to give up!

It was simply too painful to continue to care for a gift that reminded me of good times with the ones who have been hurting us so deeply.

I remembered a family friend mentioned her step-mom put a seemingly "expired" orchid in the woven branches of one of their palm trees and it continues to bloom regularly without effort or maintenance. 

Our quasi-tropical environment is a good environment for many living things... I put the non-performing orchid in the shade of our shrubs near the front door.  It would get water with rain and/or the sprinkler system, be protected from the harsh sun, and be out of my direct line of sight from day-to-day. 

Curious I'd peek at it from time-to-time.  If it ever appeared dead... I figured I'd re-use the pot for something else.  It continued to hang in there.  If it had life... I wasn't going to give up on it. 

Until recently, it hasn't exactly thrived... but it didn't die either. 
Our wild bunnies nibbled on it for a while... lol ...the rabbits put a comically big-mouth-shaped bite on one of the plant's two leaves, then it seemed the rabbits didn't care for it so much anymore. 

I've been content letting the delicate orchid live a not-so-delicate life. 

It's been out, on its own, doing its own thing  for about 2 years now...  without much visible progress at all. 

Recently the orchid appears to be near-ready to bloom. It's darker, haggard, not nearly as pristine as it was when it arrived fresh from the green house.  It's sprouted a third leaf... and actually has the potential for blossoms!

Two days ago I noticed a shoot containing buds rising out of the plant ... I checked the external/internal pots for critters (none)  and brought the not-so-delicate-anymore orchid back in.  It looks like the orchid might have ended almost 2 years of stagnation and might just indeed bloom!

I'm hopeful... and encouraged!

I realize this orchid does not have a "spiritual link" to my kids who gifted it to me. 

But... when RAD melted down...
The actions, as parent, that I've had most peace about have been...
praying for them as often as they come to mind...

and

...just letting go of them... 

...allowing them do their own thing....  

                                                ...uninterrupted...
                                                             ...whatever that might be. 

(Like I ever had much choice to do anything else lol!)

I'm hoping... like the orchid... as our two young adult RADs have been doing their own thing for a couple of years now... they'd eventually show signs of health and healing, gain their bearing and blossom into adults strong enough to once more become a beautiful part of our lives.

Hubby reads me an "In Touch" devotional almost nightly. The devotional, linked here, popped up around the same time the orchid showed much progress. It confirms to me letting go of our adultRADkids doesn't, by any means, mean we've given up on them!

RAD the gift that keeps giving

This is our 3rd Christmas since RAD attacked.  3rd Christmas since RADs have chosen to be estranged. 

RAD daughter is a local officer, employed by an ex-boyfriend's dad (currently embroiled in a police-above-the-law scandal.) 

Somehow RADdaughter's "pre-screening" employment requirement of interviewing the parents who raised her got waived, so they didn't get to hear about how she tried to jump out of our moving car because she heard voices telling her to... nor that she has a medical history of mental illness. 

Anyway.  Hubby saw Officer RAD in the line of duty directing holiday traffic yesterday.  First face-to-face viewing since she had him arrested.  (She enrolled in the local community college to become an officer AFTER she made her false allegations.)

Does anyone out there notice how RAD digs in their heels to defend their misbehaviors and mistakes, yet apologizes profusely for things that don't ever need to be apologized for?

To-this-day I'm certain our daughter will go on a long rant about how much she detests ketchup because one night at dinner when she was young she obviously accidentally said "please pass the mustard for my fries."  She never detested ketchup, nor even liked mustard until she made that honest mistake.  Ugh... rabbit trail... reeling the point of the post back in...

This is our FIRST Christmas since RAD attacked that we will be in OUR house for Christmas... home to decorate and celebrate.  I have been JOYOUS about pulling out the decorations.  It has not been as painful for me as it has been for my dear husband. 

He sobbed when we put up the snowman soft sculpture that I gave as a gift one year to represent him and our three kids playing in the snow.  "Do they ever miss me?  Do they ever think about the GOOD times we had?  Are they sorry?  Are they hurting as deeply as I'm hurting?" 

*heartache*  I cry not because I miss them... I cry because of the deep pain they KEEP CAUSING the people I love so very much... and I include the RADs on that list as well... their illness in full bloom is destroying the sweet loveable, capable-of-loving  kids I knew once upon a time. 

I don't recognize who they've become.  I'm grateful they're keeping their distance while filled with so much hate and spite.  I miss the kids we raised... I don't recognize who they've become.  I have never seen the RADs soooo deep in their illness... ever! 

Well, yesterday after hubby waved to RAD officer, she first texted our non-rad to "get dad's number" and was able to miraculously call him before she responded.  The significance of this is lost on people who don't know RAD.  It's her sick manipulations... slick, sly, deceptively charming, manipulative, able to appear innocent, and look the victim... why do I respond  with so much apprehension... because I know RAD... adoptive moms are the ultimate target of most RAD attacks. 

Officer RAD called my hubby while he was in the store and asked him to stop by on the way out.  He did.  He has been so very eager to see our kids... to hug them... to let them know they are loved. 

He's such a tender awesome loving man.  So very generous.  Where love is concerned is is willing to be so very vulnerable. 

He came home reporting that our RAD daughter is "so very sick!"  He was talking about her multiple delusions... and how twisted her brain is... and how he didn't want to upset her... she was working... so he just let her talk and didn't counter her delusions.  He said she was trying to triangulate him against me, but he saw her efforts and wasn't buying into it.  He said he suggested that she consider attending family counseling with us, when she is ready. 

He said she didn't apologize... for anything... instead she was defending with absurdities, accusing, and defending...

I can't help but wonder if she had the squad car filming her accusations and hubby's non-defense (to imply agreement with her insanities)

I'm NOT paranoid... I've raised RAD to adulthood.

Books on BPD... So Much Applies to RAD!

I first saw "I Hate You Don't Leave Me!" in a counselor's waiting room.  I opened it mid-way and the first thing I read was a part about how BPD individuals keep creating "lose lose" scenarios... where NOTHING the people who love them do will be right. 

I just about jumped out of my chair and said "YES!!!!! EXACTLY!!!!!!"

The Stop Walking on Eggshells book has a list of "common non-BP thinking"  and contrasting "facts" about our situation.

I'm paraphrasing....
"We (who love bpd people) often believe IF we can convince the person with BPD that we are telling the TRUTH... that we are right, these problems will disappear.  
...
The TRUTH is BPD is a serious mental illness... we can't talk our loved ones out of mental illness no matter how convincing we are."  

I have since remembered many things that remind me that my adopted children... the "officially diagnosed RAD" especially... HAVE been traumatized long before we ever knew them... they DO have brain damage... it is not their fault. 

Our "officially diagnosed" daughter once tried to jump out of our moving minivan because she "heard" Daddy yell at her to "get out NOW!" 

The whole family was in the van and our daughter was the only one who "heard" that.  

I realize that "hearing voices" is a MAJOR issue.  It is part of what led up to her getting the referral from the state-provided counselor for a psychiatric evaluation.

It helps me to realize what is "real" in our RAD's mind may IS NOT the reality most people live in. 

Whatever the issue is called... RAD or BPD...

It really sucks for us... but it sucks for them worse... The Eggshells book points out we who love people with BPD can take a break from their mental illness...

They cannot. 

1)Stop Walking on Eggshells: Taking Your Life Back When Someone You Care About Has Borderline Personality Disorder Randi Kreger, Paul Mason MS

2)The Stop Walking on Eggshells Workbook: Practical Strategies for Living with Someone Who Has Borderline Personality Disorder by Randi Kreger

3) I Hate You--Don't Leave Me: Understanding the Borderline Personality by Jerold J. Kreisman, Hal Straus

"Forever Family"

Once upon a time my husband and I dreamed of adoption... all my adoption related dreams were all so-very-happy.

My husband and I were thrilled when our adoption dreams came true!  Sure!!! The early years were difficult!!!  There was a diagnosis in 1995 for our brand new daughter... "Reactive Attachment Disorder with Hypervigilance."  (16 years later and I still almost never find others using the specific wording our 6 year old's psychiatrist MD used to label our new daughter's mental illness...) 
The first three years were CHALLENGING to say the very least, but we were young and so-very-optimistic... and things in our family... in our home became so very beautiful!!!

We had a minimum of 10 beautiful years before the most severe living nightmares began... 

These days I go to sleep... 

I have nightmares 

about our once-upon-a-time

"dream children"...

I wake up... 

the real-life nightmares continues. 

I had nightmares again last night... all dream-sequence-absurdities that so very clearly sum up the real-life nightmare we have been living in the years since our RAD's started approaching "legal adulthood." 

I grieve... such tremendous grief!!!

It is so absurd... because...

I am grieving the living!!!!

I buried the ONLY earthly father I have ever had this year.

.

The ONLY  mother I have ever had is now his widow.

 .

Both are my biological parents.

.

My six biological siblings and I were raised by both of them, together.

.

 Had Dad lived a few more months...

Mom and Dad would have celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary this month. 

                                                           

Dad and I have always had a reciprocal loving relationship.

What a wonderful thing it is 

to be confident in love! 

Dad and I 
have always been 
part of 
a    REAL  
"Forever Family."

In Dad's "last years" our bio-daughter frequently commented with admiration how my Dad was loved and respected by MANY ...and looked up to as a "father figure" to so many fatherless individuals.

 ***

Certainly there is pain and grief regarding loss of my beloved "Daddio" here on earth!

                                                           

Yet,

the pain related to my father's death

is not nearly as 

deep
and as  

cutting

as the depth

of  

pain

and  

grief

related to our adult RADs' "RAD-typical" rejection of us.

"They" 

(adoption promoters) 

PROMISED us 

and our "new" kids that

we would be  

"Forever Family."

My definition of "Family" is directly related to my experiences.  

My kids draw their definition of  "Family" from their experiences. 

I believe one of our biggest problems

in our relationship with our adult adoptees is  

we've had different experiences.

I can't imagine going through life without the foundation of my Mom ALWAYS being my Mom... and my Dad ALWAYS being my Dad. 

I never had my parent's friends... "friends of the family" attempt at ANY LEVEL to "save me" from my biological parents... not from the chores they assigned, nor from the loving and healthy rules they had established for me.  No couple ever offered to become my "new mommy and daddy" once I was over 18.  (not before I was 18 either... not ever!)

We prayerfully hope one-day our RADaffected adoptees will be able to have loving reciprocal relationships.

And while we wait... 

my husband, bio-daughter, and I 

remain heartsick!!!!!!!!!!!!

 .

.

.

"Hope deferred makes the heart sick,
      But when the desire comes, it is a tree of life."

-Proverbs 13:12

Our Lovingly Attached and Healthy Bio-child

We are so very blessed to have a lovingly attached and healthy bio-child.  We are so very grateful for her!!!!!!!  As a successful young adult, she lives many states away.  We have managed to enjoy each-others company in-real-life far more frequently than I ever imagined possible with the oh-so-many-miles that separate us!!!!

In-between our awesome visits, our bio-daughter calls and texts regularly.  Her calls are not just "hi/bye" methods of checking in... when she calls she wants to TALK to US. 

She LOVES us!!!

We laugh and have a ton of silly jokes that we share amongst ourselves.  Such delicious silliness based on fun times we've shared together!!!!  In most cases they're "you had to be there" kinds of jokes that keep us giggling for a lonnnnng time afterwards!!!!!

Some days she calls for advice, 

some days she wants to vent,

or run her perspective of options before she finalizes big decisions. 

Some days she calls just 'cause she misses us.

She wants to share with us what's happening in her life.  She loves us. 

Oh what a joy it is to be loved!!!!!

Our bio's most  recent calls have been about how the Lord is surrounding her with people who are asking about her faith and are flat out asking if they can go to church with her.  Our daughter has always been strong in her faith... but has never been "preachy" and she's not ever invited those who are asking... they are asking her.  
Our bio-daughter tells me she doesn't understand how or why people from so many very different parts of her life keep asking her about her faith.  

From our bio-daughter's point of view the years since our young-adult-RADs attacked our loving family have been her worst-ever crisis of faith.  

She could not imagine how the Lord would allow such horrible things to be done to our family... not only by our RADs, but by the "christian" community she grew up in.  

She does recognize the attack by "the church" is not God-ordained.
 
Our bio-daughter sees how the Lord is faithful to His Word...  
giving beauty for ashes.

People from so many different parts of her life keep asking very specific questions to find out more about The Light our bio-daughter carries within... (and shines so very beautifully!!!!!)... even in the midst of RAD inflicted adversity... as very real pain pushes our daughter even more deeply into God's loving-embrace, those witnessing her pain-filled-journey-of-faith are likewise being drawn to her Source of comfort.

A trampled rose 

gives off a the sweetest fragrance. 

"The breaking of the alabaster box and the anointing of the Lord filled the house with the odor, with the sweetest odor. Everyone could smell it. Whenever you meet someone who has really suffered; been limited, gone through things for the Lord, willing to be imprisoned by the Lord, just being satisfied with Him and nothing else, immediately you scent the fragrance. There is a savor of the Lord. Something has been crushed, something has been broken, and there is a resulting odor of sweetness. --Watchman Nee"

Raising RAD With Nothing More Than a Diagnosis

You may already know our "officially diagnosed" RAD was diagnosed RAD before anything was published for parents about the disorder.  She had improved tremendously by the time books began being published... then completely melted down attacking us at age 21... leaving us reeling... wondering what in tarnation was going on.

I have considered many times how very grateful I am (in-part) to have been TOTALLY clueless about the "milder" RAD symptoms that continued to provide subtle evidence that our child was not 100% well...

I'm grateful my ignorance about all that RAD is allowed us to believe that healing was possible, and to have believed healing had indeed happened.

I'm grateful my ignorance allowed me to envision a bright and beautiful future for my adopted children the entire time we were raising them. 

Because of the tremendous progress and healing we witnessed firsthand during the "Ten Beautiful Years" I am able to extend hope for our beloved children's future.   

I continue to hope "one day" they will move past the trauma stepping into "adult life" had reawakened in their hearts and their minds and heal enough to join us once more in a reciprocally loving relationship.

Life After RAD Moves out

RAD Has Left the Building.

We are here.   My beloved and I.  We were in love long before RAD entered our lives.  We are in love still.  We are an awesome team.  

Kids are supposed to grow up and move out. It can be hard for parents of "neurotypical" kids when they're left with an empty nest.

I was "warned" at a homeschool convention years ago... not to loose sight of me.  Not to become sooooo wrapped up  in "being mommy" that when the kids leave (like they're SUPPOSED to) that I'd need to find me again.

I was encouraged to keep up working on  hobbies and interests, keep on working on my relationship with the one I pledged to love long after the kids would grow and move out. 

Now I have plenty of time... and yet I feel like each day rushes to its end.

I find the computer, facebook specifically had been swallowing me whole... I'm purposefully backing away... it's nothing personal. 

I want to jump back in non-cyber-life. 

I'm gonna make a list of things I'd LOVE to do if I had time"

... 'cause I DO HAVE time... 

and I'm tired of donating it to the FB.

What's on your "list" of awesomeness?  Try and make a little time for it this week.  Make a date with yourself.  Make a date with your beloved.

Don't neglect to feed the parts of you that were created to THRIVE long after the wee ones are grown!!!!!!!