"Fertilizer" Happens!

Years ago when the "sh!! happens" bumper stickers started popping up all over the place, I became convinced that NOTHING is wasted in God's economy... even sh!! is used for fertilization... and eventually makes good ground for growing. 

I wanted to market "Fertilizer Happens" bumper stickers. Still do!

Hubby and I were anxiously anticipating how "the holidays" would go... our first year "alone" and...

...we're having fun... which is awesome!!!

We do have micromoments of sadness for the choices our RADs continue to make... but we don't get to make their choices, they do... we are responsible for keeping our hearts tender and forgiving through it all... which at some moments is easier said than done... but well worth the efforts.

Here we are our 4th "Holiday Season" since RADs melted down.  4th holiday season of estrangement from them by their choice.  We can see so very much more clearly how God is using the "fertilizer" to grow us in His love and to bless us with friendships so much deeper than the "fair weather friend" variety.

This morning (New Year's Eve) as I'm counting my so many blessings, I'm blown away how God has used horrific circumstances to abundantly bless us!!!

I was remembering the story of Corrie Ten Boom being in Nazi concentration camps thanking God for infested unlivable conditions, and later seeing exactly how the unlivable conditions she had thanked God for was being used to bless them.    <=  Read it if you have time... get tissues.

All my "horrible moments" combined don't compare to what Corrie and her sister encountered in that passage alone.  Their God inspired hope in the midst of hopeless circumstances have certainly inspired me and countless others.

One nickname I have (from high school referring to a traumatic head injury) helps me to remember that it continues to be my prayer to praise God in ALL circumstances... because He is worthy.   When that nicknaming injury happened I literally fell down (from the weight of the blow) praising God.  I was a relatively "new" believer back then... and I continue to earnestly pray "Lord, WHATEVER happens, help me to be confident in Your promises that You love me, You intend to bless me, no weapon formed against me shall prosper, even what an enemy intends for my harm You will use to bless me... Lord, help me in the midst of traumas that knock me off my feet to fall down praising you!"

What a gift it is to be confident in God's love for me!!!!

If you are not YET confident that God loves you... my prayer is that as you read this, your heart would get a glimmer of the TREMENDOUS love the God of all has for you personally!!!! 

RAD the gift that keeps giving

This is our 3rd Christmas since RAD attacked.  3rd Christmas since RADs have chosen to be estranged. 

RAD daughter is a local officer, employed by an ex-boyfriend's dad (currently embroiled in a police-above-the-law scandal.) 

Somehow RADdaughter's "pre-screening" employment requirement of interviewing the parents who raised her got waived, so they didn't get to hear about how she tried to jump out of our moving car because she heard voices telling her to... nor that she has a medical history of mental illness. 

Anyway.  Hubby saw Officer RAD in the line of duty directing holiday traffic yesterday.  First face-to-face viewing since she had him arrested.  (She enrolled in the local community college to become an officer AFTER she made her false allegations.)

Does anyone out there notice how RAD digs in their heels to defend their misbehaviors and mistakes, yet apologizes profusely for things that don't ever need to be apologized for?

To-this-day I'm certain our daughter will go on a long rant about how much she detests ketchup because one night at dinner when she was young she obviously accidentally said "please pass the mustard for my fries."  She never detested ketchup, nor even liked mustard until she made that honest mistake.  Ugh... rabbit trail... reeling the point of the post back in...

This is our FIRST Christmas since RAD attacked that we will be in OUR house for Christmas... home to decorate and celebrate.  I have been JOYOUS about pulling out the decorations.  It has not been as painful for me as it has been for my dear husband. 

He sobbed when we put up the snowman soft sculpture that I gave as a gift one year to represent him and our three kids playing in the snow.  "Do they ever miss me?  Do they ever think about the GOOD times we had?  Are they sorry?  Are they hurting as deeply as I'm hurting?" 

*heartache*  I cry not because I miss them... I cry because of the deep pain they KEEP CAUSING the people I love so very much... and I include the RADs on that list as well... their illness in full bloom is destroying the sweet loveable, capable-of-loving  kids I knew once upon a time. 

I don't recognize who they've become.  I'm grateful they're keeping their distance while filled with so much hate and spite.  I miss the kids we raised... I don't recognize who they've become.  I have never seen the RADs soooo deep in their illness... ever! 

Well, yesterday after hubby waved to RAD officer, she first texted our non-rad to "get dad's number" and was able to miraculously call him before she responded.  The significance of this is lost on people who don't know RAD.  It's her sick manipulations... slick, sly, deceptively charming, manipulative, able to appear innocent, and look the victim... why do I respond  with so much apprehension... because I know RAD... adoptive moms are the ultimate target of most RAD attacks. 

Officer RAD called my hubby while he was in the store and asked him to stop by on the way out.  He did.  He has been so very eager to see our kids... to hug them... to let them know they are loved. 

He's such a tender awesome loving man.  So very generous.  Where love is concerned is is willing to be so very vulnerable. 

He came home reporting that our RAD daughter is "so very sick!"  He was talking about her multiple delusions... and how twisted her brain is... and how he didn't want to upset her... she was working... so he just let her talk and didn't counter her delusions.  He said she was trying to triangulate him against me, but he saw her efforts and wasn't buying into it.  He said he suggested that she consider attending family counseling with us, when she is ready. 

He said she didn't apologize... for anything... instead she was defending with absurdities, accusing, and defending...

I can't help but wonder if she had the squad car filming her accusations and hubby's non-defense (to imply agreement with her insanities)

I'm NOT paranoid... I've raised RAD to adulthood.