Adoption... Always Best?

I am VERY pro-adoption... but I can't help but doubt that adoption is always the BEST choice. 

For our kids...
I believe for their time,
and season,
and circumstances...
adoption WAS best.

I believe "our" kids

were "meant to be"

part of our family...

BUT I don't believe

adoption

was the

best-case-scenario 

for them. 

I realize I'm tip-toeing-barefoot into the fairy filled hills of make-believe... but I believe THE ABSOLUTE best-case-scenario for every child is to be raised by BOTH their biological parents in the setting where the child's biological parents are healthy and happy and head-over-heels in love with each other... and each of their children. 

I know "stuff happens" 

and life ain't make-believe 

                                      and far-too-many-times      

kids are stuck 

in situations

paying the dearly 

the consequences 

for situations 

they did not have

a single choice 

about. 

When we were FINALLY settling into the "beautiful years" I had an obnoxious churchified crankster tell me all about this book she was reading about allowing God to plan your family and how adoption IS a Biblical concept... BUT... adoption SHOULD NEVER take place when the biological parents are still living.

I wanted to punch her. 

Years later...

Our "officially diagnosed RAD" that appeared "healed halleluiah!!!" for oh so many years went on a mission trip to a "third world" country.  She seemed healthy when she went... She seemed healthy when she returned.  RAD appeared to remain dormant before-during-and-after her out-of-the-country missions trip.

The "missions team" came back with tales of this "backward" nation and all it's woes... mostly "they eat beans for breakfast!!!"  "they can't flush toilet paper" added to all the lack-of-technology woes... (But apparently the "team" realized the third-world-nation manufactures their coca-cola with cane sugar... so that third-world-nation had ONE positive thing going for it!)

One of the sad facts on the missions team "tsk tsk tsk" list was that mothers of young children who were in jail actually had their children in jail with them. 

"Can you believe it?  Shame shame shame!  Those poor children, raised in jail!  Thank God we're so advanced here...for the sake of the children!"

Something pricked my heart as the churchified cranksters were busy patting themselves on their own backs for being so intelligent to have been born in our advanced society. 

My heart was pricked during the Beautiful Years... when our RAD appeared to be attached and loving, when things in our family were so very beautiful.  RAD at this point didn't appear to be an issue at all... ALL our kids appeared healthy and happy and well adjusted in our family... STILL my heart was pricked.

When it came to keeping babies with their mothers... 

I thought the third-world-nation got it right. 

I wonder...  Knowing how VITAL the primary biological  parent-child ties are to a child's development... witnessing firsthand the damages of Reactive Attachment Disorder in our adopted children's life... I can't help but wonder...

Does our modern, 

technologically advanced society 

REALLY 

"help" children 

when they remove children 

from their biological family? 

During hardship, 
or famine 
or worse? 

Like I said... I believe our kids belonged home with us!
At that time, and in those circumstances, our family was our children's best chance for a healthy life.

Our family was never the "ultimate best" but we were absolutely the "best remaining" choice for our children. 

I can't help but wonder if we can do better for the kids that are out there...
for the kids who haven't been born yet.