I first saw "I Hate You Don't Leave Me!" in a counselor's waiting room. I opened it mid-way and the first thing I read was a part about how BPD individuals keep creating "lose lose" scenarios... where NOTHING the people who love them do will be right.
The Stop Walking on Eggshells book has a list of "common non-BP thinking" and contrasting "facts" about our situation.
I'm paraphrasing....
"We (who love bpd people) often believe IF we can convince the person with BPD that we are telling the TRUTH... that we are right, these problems will disappear.
...
The TRUTH is BPD is a serious mental illness... we can't talk our loved ones out of mental illness no matter how convincing we are."
I have since remembered many things that remind me that my adopted children... the "officially diagnosed RAD" especially... HAVE been traumatized long before we ever knew them... they DO have brain damage... it is not their fault.
Our "officially diagnosed" daughter once tried to jump out of our moving minivan because she "heard" Daddy yell at her to "get out NOW!"
The whole family was in the van and our daughter was the only one who "heard" that.
I realize that "hearing voices" is a MAJOR issue. It is part of what led up to her getting the referral from the state-provided counselor for a psychiatric evaluation.
It helps me to realize what is "real" in our RAD's mind may IS NOT the reality most people live in.
Whatever the issue is called... RAD or BPD...
It really sucks for us... but it sucks for them worse... The Eggshells book points out we who love people with BPD can take a break from their mental illness...
They cannot.
1)Stop Walking on Eggshells: Taking Your Life Back When Someone You Care About Has Borderline Personality Disorder Randi Kreger, Paul Mason MS
2)The Stop Walking on Eggshells Workbook: Practical Strategies for Living with Someone Who Has Borderline Personality Disorder by Randi Kreger
3) I Hate You--Don't Leave Me: Understanding the Borderline Personality by Jerold J. Kreisman, Hal Straus
I just about jumped out of my chair and said "YES!!!!! EXACTLY!!!!!!"
The Stop Walking on Eggshells book has a list of "common non-BP thinking" and contrasting "facts" about our situation.
I'm paraphrasing....
"We (who love bpd people) often believe IF we can convince the person with BPD that we are telling the TRUTH... that we are right, these problems will disappear.
...
The TRUTH is BPD is a serious mental illness... we can't talk our loved ones out of mental illness no matter how convincing we are."
I have since remembered many things that remind me that my adopted children... the "officially diagnosed RAD" especially... HAVE been traumatized long before we ever knew them... they DO have brain damage... it is not their fault.
Our "officially diagnosed" daughter once tried to jump out of our moving minivan because she "heard" Daddy yell at her to "get out NOW!"
The whole family was in the van and our daughter was the only one who "heard" that.
I realize that "hearing voices" is a MAJOR issue. It is part of what led up to her getting the referral from the state-provided counselor for a psychiatric evaluation.
It helps me to realize what is "real" in our RAD's mind may IS NOT the reality most people live in.
Whatever the issue is called... RAD or BPD...
It really sucks for us... but it sucks for them worse... The Eggshells book points out we who love people with BPD can take a break from their mental illness...
They cannot.
1)Stop Walking on Eggshells: Taking Your Life Back When Someone You Care About Has Borderline Personality Disorder Randi Kreger, Paul Mason MS
2)The Stop Walking on Eggshells Workbook: Practical Strategies for Living with Someone Who Has Borderline Personality Disorder by Randi Kreger
3) I Hate You--Don't Leave Me: Understanding the Borderline Personality by Jerold J. Kreisman, Hal Straus
3 comments:
Borderline Personality disorder is a common place for our RADlets to end up. And it does suck for them.
Both my boys have personality disorder diagnosis now that they are adults. One anti social and one borderline. It's just the RAD--I have always said that too.
I KNOW that you can't convince them that you're telling the truth, but how do you stop? How do you not keep trying to help your child "get it." How do you balance trying to help them heal with the reality of their illness?
Mary
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