Everything I've read about RAD says the early trauma (primarily between conception and age three) that causes Reactive Attachment Disorder "damages" the "cause and effect reasoning" part of the RAD affected brain.
I keep seeing that damage more and more evident as our estranged Adult RAD keeps making more and more dangerous choices.
I know from parenting her...
When she doesn't "get it," she just doesn't get it.
So often she doesn't easily recognize what would be obvious "red flags" of DANGER to most others.
Her self chosen estrangement as a young adult with Reactive Attachment Disorder is not as cheery and problem free as it might appear to those caught in the trenches of parenting young RAD, daydreaming of getting a break once their little RADs embrace adulthood and FINALLY move out.
For our RADs...
RAD is still RAD.
Our inhibited one, pretty much has dropped off the face of the planet and is living his "happily ever after" as the son his friend's parent's never had. He, from time to time, becomes quite his older-half-bio-disinhibeted-RAD-sister's puppet. When she's not pulling strings... he's completely uninvolved.
The "disinhibited" one keeps pushing us away, yet keeps orchestrating stunts to involve us remotely through family she has disowned, but tries to triangulate against us.
Many of our adoptees RAD symptoms appeared to lay dormant during the "ten beautiful years."
The symptoms have awakened...
...and the "grown up" version is worse than we ever saw in when our RADs were little.
So there's brain damage,
and typical symptoms of their particular brand of mental illness.
Please don't think for a minute RAD is stupid. Academically, our RADs achieved numerous honors in their post-homeschool education. Our RADs can easily memorize and regurgitate facts that have been presented to them.
Where our "disinhibited" RADdaughter especially has difficulty is deducing cause and effect... understanding how her choices affect her circumstances.
Our adoptees' illness, RAD, helps our adoptees manipulate situations so they always appear the victim.
One might think, as masters of manipulation they'd easily recognize when they are being manipulated. We've not found that to be the case.
When it comes to endangering themselves... it seems the damaged cause and effect reasoning part of their brain frequently prevents them from seeing impending danger and "natural" consequences that follow their chosen actions.
Well... RAD orchestrated quite a whirlwind this past week.
Or she was manipulated into it.
She managed to be involved in quite possibly criminal activity surrounding a crisis that took her on a whirlwind trip from (less than 15 minutes from our current home) where she lives and works, to more than 1,000 miles away (smack-dab in the middle of where our extended family lives.)
She invited some of the more gullible people in our family (interesting, they are the ones she despised most as she was growing up) to meet her for a social visit in the middle of this very shady whirlwind trip.
Our bio-daughter warned the gullible family members to beware of appearing to be involved in the very shady, very dangerous exchange.
I fully doubt our RAD daughter would have been tempted to fly in "as an emergency" be a part of a similar very shady and dangerous sounding "rescue" had it taken her 1,000 miles away from all our extended family.
It's RAD.
I doubt our RAD daughter sees the shady/dangerous part of it all.
It's RAD. It's that damaged cause and effect reasoning part of the brain thing.
I sincerely doubt our Reactive Attachment Disordered daughter would be a willing participant in what she fully UNDERSTANDS to be illegal activity.
I believe even as skilled a manipulator she is, the damaged cause and effect reasoning part of her brain prevent her from being fully aware that others are manipulating her into very dangerous situations.
There's the part of RAD that is "eager to please" strangers. I've seen the masks they wear wanting to be all things to all people.
It's as if they're screaming to the world...
"I'll do whatever you want me to as long as you love me... you see... my parents never loved me!"
There's different kinds of people out there in the big world...
...some that will hear RAD's cry and take them in and "shelter" them from the parents who have lovingly been present, seeking the best for their children, and enduring much at the hands of their disease...
...some that will see RAD's vulnerability and exploit it as much as they can benefit from it...
... my favorite people are those who see through RAD's masks and encourage the RAD afflicted to seek healing, and seek restored relationships the parents who have only ever loved them.
As loving parents, we continue to pray for intervention... whatever it takes for our daughter to be safe and healed.
Whatever it takes for her to be safe and healed.
Whatever it takes.
I keep seeing that damage more and more evident as our estranged Adult RAD keeps making more and more dangerous choices.
I know from parenting her...
When she doesn't "get it," she just doesn't get it.
So often she doesn't easily recognize what would be obvious "red flags" of DANGER to most others.
Her self chosen estrangement as a young adult with Reactive Attachment Disorder is not as cheery and problem free as it might appear to those caught in the trenches of parenting young RAD, daydreaming of getting a break once their little RADs embrace adulthood and FINALLY move out.
For our RADs...
RAD is still RAD.
Our inhibited one, pretty much has dropped off the face of the planet and is living his "happily ever after" as the son his friend's parent's never had. He, from time to time, becomes quite his older-half-bio-disinhibeted-RAD-sister's puppet. When she's not pulling strings... he's completely uninvolved.
The "disinhibited" one keeps pushing us away, yet keeps orchestrating stunts to involve us remotely through family she has disowned, but tries to triangulate against us.
Many of our adoptees RAD symptoms appeared to lay dormant during the "ten beautiful years."
The symptoms have awakened...
...and the "grown up" version is worse than we ever saw in when our RADs were little.
So there's brain damage,
and typical symptoms of their particular brand of mental illness.
Please don't think for a minute RAD is stupid. Academically, our RADs achieved numerous honors in their post-homeschool education. Our RADs can easily memorize and regurgitate facts that have been presented to them.
Where our "disinhibited" RADdaughter especially has difficulty is deducing cause and effect... understanding how her choices affect her circumstances.
Our adoptees' illness, RAD, helps our adoptees manipulate situations so they always appear the victim.
One might think, as masters of manipulation they'd easily recognize when they are being manipulated. We've not found that to be the case.
When it comes to endangering themselves... it seems the damaged cause and effect reasoning part of their brain frequently prevents them from seeing impending danger and "natural" consequences that follow their chosen actions.
Well... RAD orchestrated quite a whirlwind this past week.
Or she was manipulated into it.
She managed to be involved in quite possibly criminal activity surrounding a crisis that took her on a whirlwind trip from (less than 15 minutes from our current home) where she lives and works, to more than 1,000 miles away (smack-dab in the middle of where our extended family lives.)
She invited some of the more gullible people in our family (interesting, they are the ones she despised most as she was growing up) to meet her for a social visit in the middle of this very shady whirlwind trip.
Our bio-daughter warned the gullible family members to beware of appearing to be involved in the very shady, very dangerous exchange.
I fully doubt our RAD daughter would have been tempted to fly in "as an emergency" be a part of a similar very shady and dangerous sounding "rescue" had it taken her 1,000 miles away from all our extended family.
It's RAD.
I doubt our RAD daughter sees the shady/dangerous part of it all.
It's RAD. It's that damaged cause and effect reasoning part of the brain thing.
I sincerely doubt our Reactive Attachment Disordered daughter would be a willing participant in what she fully UNDERSTANDS to be illegal activity.
I believe even as skilled a manipulator she is, the damaged cause and effect reasoning part of her brain prevent her from being fully aware that others are manipulating her into very dangerous situations.
There's the part of RAD that is "eager to please" strangers. I've seen the masks they wear wanting to be all things to all people.
It's as if they're screaming to the world...
"I'll do whatever you want me to as long as you love me... you see... my parents never loved me!"
There's different kinds of people out there in the big world...
...some that will hear RAD's cry and take them in and "shelter" them from the parents who have lovingly been present, seeking the best for their children, and enduring much at the hands of their disease...
...some that will see RAD's vulnerability and exploit it as much as they can benefit from it...
... my favorite people are those who see through RAD's masks and encourage the RAD afflicted to seek healing, and seek restored relationships the parents who have only ever loved them.
As loving parents, we continue to pray for intervention... whatever it takes for our daughter to be safe and healed.
Whatever it takes for her to be safe and healed.
Whatever it takes.
