Holidays and Estranged RADs

Our oldest is visiting and we are LOVING our time with our still sweet and cuddly, capable of reciprocating love child.

We all are having fun with the new puppy... what a nice treat to have the pitter patter of his little feet around the house!!!

Cousins will come up to visit while our daughter is here... and everything has been quite joyous.

We do have our moments. 

Today for example shopping in a store that was completely decked out for the holidays... Christmas music was playing... and my hubby grumbled... "I HATE Christmas!"

I told him I loved him, and I loved the fact that I get to spend Christmas with him...

My sweet tenderhearted hubby who loves our children so very much burst out crying "Our family is broken!  I hate it!  This is not what Christmas is supposed to be!" 

I've been trying to balance the pain associated with RADtypical attacks against us, with the knowledge that truly this is NOT personal, it's mental illness... I wondered tonight if our RADs are capable of empathy... are the capable of realizing their behaviors cause pain, and be sorry for it. 

I remembered when our kids were first placed with us... our new daughter was very concerned for the people she'd seen sleeping under the bridge.  That seems pretty darned empathetic. 

I also remember it taking seemingly forever for them to be sorry for more than getting caught... BUT when they finally would "get it" they'd get it... and demonstrate what appeared to be appropriate regret and sorrow for hurting others. 

So I'm encouraged through my memories of who they were... and we're still praying for them... alot!!!

As much as 3.5 years later our pre-adoption core family is coping SO MUCH BETTER than we have been since the RAD's conjoined meltdown and attack against us... it still sucks knowing we have poured every good thing we have into children who are "done" with us... not just "done and gone" but done, gone, and still "working" the "poor pathetic abused orphan" game for whomever knows us,  is willing to listen, and reward them with money, gifts, time and attention in exchange for the entertainment their concocted tales of woe provide.    

Anyway... I'm trying to focus more on the awesome things God gives us... and there is certainly to be very grateful for!  We keep praying for all... and we're so very grateful to know we are not the only adoptive parents going through this.

Happy Thanksgiving! 

The Kind of Mom I Wanted to Be

There was a woman who really inspired me as a kid.  She was a great role model for the kind of mom I wanted to be.  She was an adoptive mom.  I don't remember her name, I don't remember her daughter's name, but I do remember the kind of parents she and her husband were... and I wanted to be parents like them. 

Invested.  Interested.  Devoted. 

Mission accomplished.  It's nice to look back with confidence knowing I've achieved one of the hearts desires I've had as a life's goal. 

It was soooo cool to have been back in the old neighborhood seeing "their" house again.  I thought about knocking on the door... and letting them know what an impact they had made in my life.  The house looked like yuppies had taken over.  And I wasn't sure if their house was one in, or two in from the corner.  I opted not to knock and see. 

In my mind I wondered how a visit might have gone.  I wasn't so eager to see former friend who was my age, but I was eager to see her parents.  (I recall not especially liking her...but I really loved how her parents loved her!!!)

There was a part of me that wanted to hear about their brand of "happily ever after" regarding their adoption.  I wanted to hear how their kid "turned out."  I wanted to hear about their inspiration for adoption. 

The adoptive couple had introduced me to the card game "Bullshit!" where the purpose of the game is to lie again and again and get away with it. 

I wondered after raising RAD adoptees if that game was part of RADtastic parenting to cope with the profuse lying associated with Reactive Attachment Disorder. 

As we passed the street where their house was, I asked my mom if she remembered my friend from years gone by... Mom didn't... it's okay... I didn't remember their names either.   

Maybe I'll have the gumption to knock and inquire about them the next time I'm in town. 

Our New Bundle of Joy!

We've adopted again. 

We'd planned to do so after we had gotten some travel out of the way... We wanted to be "fully present" for our new addition... "when the time comes." 

We've got a little fluffy puppy... he is ADORABLE!!!!    We've given him the same name our daughter had chosen for the first teddybear she'd ever really named all by herself.

It is an adorable and cutesy name... he is an adorable and cutesy pup.  He is guessed to be a small mixed breed. 

He's estimated to be about 4 months old.  He can already "fetch" and "sit" on command.  Smart puppy!!!

I wonder if he's older.  The "pros" decided his age by his teeth... because he was abandoned with his (already adopted-out) sibling.

It's nice to have the happy pitter-patter of happy little feet around the house!

I'm a tad freaked... 'cause if this guy lives as old as our other small dog... (20) That would put me close to 70 when he could potentially "cross the rainbow bridge."  Yikes.  I have no problem with me being about half a century... no problem with that at all... No problem with the "snow on my roof" but the thought of how quickly the 20 years with our last sweet pup flew by... yikes!!!!!!

I have a feeling I  should buckle up!!!!  It's already been a heck of a ride!!!!  

Looking Forward

What a delight it is to have things to look forward to!!!!!

Hubby and I just returned from a month and a half of traveling, and the anticipation of the getaway was almost as delightful as the actual get away itself!

For our 29th anniversary we decided to cruise Canada's St Lawrence Seaway in search of fall colors.  We left our home in the land of balmy palm trees and sandy beaches and headed towards what we don't normally get to enjoy in the comforts of our own home.

The cruise was DELIGHTFUL!!!!    Our ship left Manhattan and we sailed north.... I got the biggest kick out of sitting on our boat deck and watching our ship's pool and curly yellow slide pass under the Varazanno bridge.  I was thrilled to watch as Lady Liberty wished us a bon-voyage. 

As we returned to the ship at the first port we visited, I noticed the ship's crew at the welcome center all using their electronic devices.... "Hmmm... free wi-fi?" I wondered. 

I put my phone into wi-fi mode and was pleased to see messages trickle in.  It was there that I got the next RAD punch in the gut.  Oh this really seems to be a life-long journey.  A concerned individual sent me the ultrasound our 3years estranged RAD had posted.  We're going to be grandparents.

I am the kind of person that is always happy to hear about babies.   Abounding joy was not my first reaction. 

I've heard "Baby-Daddy" has three other kids by other women.  This is his fourth... her first. 

I know people from my generation who have been "tied" to their child's "other parent" in much less than joyous scenarios. 

I know the heartache of raising children whose "first parents" were not there for them. 

I have no idea what this generation's multiple "baby-mommas/baby-daddies" is like.

Well... that's not true... my sister-in-law at 15 met a 40 year old man at the teenage hang out who had a very successful line "In my country you are considered a woman, not a child!"  It worked on about six different 13-16 year old girls who also carried his children.  (God knows how many never conceived!!!!)

I know my nephew is a very broken individual.  He grew up in a town full of his half-siblings.  We saw him go through the "where is my daddy, why does he hate me?" He's spent the first decade and a half of his adult life floating between jail and rehab.  His mother has always used men for all they could give her then thrown them to the curb.  My heart breaks for my nephews over the more than subliminal message that my sister-in-law keeps showing her sons of what men are good for.

Broken people... having broken people... having broken people... Hubby's sisters are all half-sisters... their bio dad died of cirrhosis of the liver mid 40's.  They each have their major issues. 

ugh... I was so much happier focusing on the positive... thinking about our beautiful trip, and all the loving family and friends we got to see!!!!  

We spent the full month after the cruise visiting family... so very wonderful!!!

Many of those we visited will be visiting our home very soon.... I not only have to unpack... I have to get ready for their arrival. 

I'm smiling again with anticipation!!!!   I think I'm going to make some countdown calendars for our various visitors arrival... 

God please help me to focus on the positive!!!!

Philippians 4:8

Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.

Thank God for Bedbugs

Bedbugs.

Thank God!

They were the final inspiration that brought a friend's RAD son home from the very dangerous situation he had been living in. 

I had seen his mother's comment that Thank God her son who had been estranged for over a year had returned. 

I privately messaged her letting her know I was happy for her... but angry and doing my best to deal with my anger before the sun went down. 

Years ago our families attended the same little church. 

When her adopted son was very small, she and her family moved thousands of miles away.  Facebook helped us keep in touch. 

Many of the "good christians" who were our former pewmates who continue to be SO VERY HORRIBLE to our family during  and since our RAD's meltdown... were all "liking" and "commenting" about how wonderful it was my friend's son had returned home. 

It turned my stomach... and I was angry!

My gracious friend called me from THOUSANDS of miles away... and talked with me, and encouraged me. 

Together we prayed.  Together we were grateful for "whatever it takes" that would turn our kids hearts home toward the parents who love them. 

Together we thanked God for bedbugs, because bedbugs are what brought her son back home.

Naturally there is still a long way to go... but meanwhile together... we remain grateful... for bedbugs.