I'm soooo totally psychedelic-ed that my little niece and nephew (and bro and sis-in-law) will be visiting soon... and for the MANY visits with our oldest despite the miles between us.
We adore them and the feeling is mutual. Love abounds. (selah)
Oh, happy sigh, and big smile!!!
I'm prepping the rooms they'll be staying in for their visit... and because summer allows extra project time, I've dug into some projects I'd planned to start... one... cleaning out closets.
At the BOTTOM of one of those closets I've stumbled across all the crappy paperwork from legal proceedings courtesy of our adoptee's false allegations.
There is a BIG part of me that wants to throw all those documents away... but there is a little part of me that wants to keep them... for my sanity.
The details of all the heartache RAD brings to our family are so incredulous... so stranger-than-fiction I want to keep the documentation so I'll know I didn't imagine it all.
I struggled (about 2 seconds) within myself that holding on to those papers might possibly be a "sign" I've not forgiven our beloved adoptees.
I struggled back with the realization that I've made the DECISION to forgive them, and am diligent to work on FEELINGS of unforgiveness when they arise, continually renewing reaffirming my decision to forgive our adopted children for the pain their illness inflicts on us... and themselves.
Still... our daughter's a mental illness fights reality... it fights her sanity... her Reactive Attachment Disorder remains the key obstacle in our relationship.
My not-so-little-box of legal documents remind me this RAD nightmare is real... not manufactured by us as our adoptee would insist.
The question is... where can I store them? Yes, those documents are valuable... they're important, but they don't foster "warm fuzzies." I'm cleaning out my closet... yes, I'm moving those papers... I won't be loosing those papers.
I'll be tucking the painful papers away... in a less prominent place and making room for the abundant art abounding with love that our extremely creative oldest daughter, and nieces and nephews continually shower us with.
We adore them and the feeling is mutual. Love abounds. (selah)
Oh, happy sigh, and big smile!!!
I'm prepping the rooms they'll be staying in for their visit... and because summer allows extra project time, I've dug into some projects I'd planned to start... one... cleaning out closets.
At the BOTTOM of one of those closets I've stumbled across all the crappy paperwork from legal proceedings courtesy of our adoptee's false allegations.
There is a BIG part of me that wants to throw all those documents away... but there is a little part of me that wants to keep them... for my sanity.
The details of all the heartache RAD brings to our family are so incredulous... so stranger-than-fiction I want to keep the documentation so I'll know I didn't imagine it all.
I struggled (about 2 seconds) within myself that holding on to those papers might possibly be a "sign" I've not forgiven our beloved adoptees.
I struggled back with the realization that I've made the DECISION to forgive them, and am diligent to work on FEELINGS of unforgiveness when they arise, continually renewing reaffirming my decision to forgive our adopted children for the pain their illness inflicts on us... and themselves.
Still... our daughter's a mental illness fights reality... it fights her sanity... her Reactive Attachment Disorder remains the key obstacle in our relationship.
My not-so-little-box of legal documents remind me this RAD nightmare is real... not manufactured by us as our adoptee would insist.
The question is... where can I store them? Yes, those documents are valuable... they're important, but they don't foster "warm fuzzies." I'm cleaning out my closet... yes, I'm moving those papers... I won't be loosing those papers.
I'll be tucking the painful papers away... in a less prominent place and making room for the abundant art abounding with love that our extremely creative oldest daughter, and nieces and nephews continually shower us with.
1 comment:
The less prominent place I decided to store those documents contained a home spa paraffin kit. Can you say swap-a-roo?
I'm smiling widely as I prepare to treat myself to a paraffin dip... yee haw!
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