We are so totally enjoying having our loving attached and capable-of-reciprocal love adult-child visiting.
All three of us are deeply hurt by RADs' attack against our family.
So far during her visit, our nonRAD has agreed to ONLY VERY SHORT visits (in VERY public places) with the "officially diagnosed" RAD.
We have explained our nonRAD doesn't need to keep visits short to prove loyalty to us or anything... we've encouraged her repeatedly to visit as often and as long as she'd like.
DH and I are glad RADdaughter realizes she IS part of our family... and trying to reconnect at whatever level her current mental health status allows.
Our nonRAD insists she cannot bear anything longer than very short visits because RAD keeps running all conversation in the same circles. (playing the victim, trying to triangulate our nonRAD against us.)
NonRAD has been talking from time to time about the "signs" she observed that our RADs were melting down "before" their major conjoined-meltdown.
Turns out there was so very much more duplicity going on inside our RADs in the two years before RAD melted down than more than we ever imagined.
Wow.
All three of us are deeply hurt by RADs' attack against our family.
So far during her visit, our nonRAD has agreed to ONLY VERY SHORT visits (in VERY public places) with the "officially diagnosed" RAD.
We have explained our nonRAD doesn't need to keep visits short to prove loyalty to us or anything... we've encouraged her repeatedly to visit as often and as long as she'd like.
DH and I are glad RADdaughter realizes she IS part of our family... and trying to reconnect at whatever level her current mental health status allows.
Our nonRAD insists she cannot bear anything longer than very short visits because RAD keeps running all conversation in the same circles. (playing the victim, trying to triangulate our nonRAD against us.)
NonRAD has been talking from time to time about the "signs" she observed that our RADs were melting down "before" their major conjoined-meltdown.
Turns out there was so very much more duplicity going on inside our RADs in the two years before RAD melted down than more than we ever imagined.
Wow.
4 comments:
Praying for you all!
I'm so interested in your story...and so heartbroken for you and your family. We have a teen RADish, and I'm curious about the signs of meltdown in the time leading up to the meltdown. I am hopeful that our DD can go on to lead the life she wants, but I admit I'm vigilant and not always as hopeful as I think God wants me to be. Learning, learning...
Debora,
We have one child "officially diagnosed RAD" just after adoption... she is very "disinhibited" in her RAD... her behaviors are HUGE and she easily gets ensnared in "crazy lying" regarding things that often make no sense what-so-ever. However, as she matured, her lying "skills" have improved somewhat and she has managed to come off from time to time a little bit more convincing... the dots don't always line up... but the people "buying" her "performance" are so enamored with themselves portraying "savior" they are uninterested in finding inconsistencies.
Our RADson... was never "officially diagnosed" RAD BUT we recognized after his meltdown he had been portraying MANY of the "inhibited" symptoms of the condition. He lies without blinking and is very convincing.
It is REALLY scary because he is so incredibly polite while being so blatantly dishonest!!!
With our officially diagnosed RAD we thought RAD was "healed halleluiah" and enjoyed our Ten Beautiful Years... we realized RAD was no longer dormant AFTER our RAD's conjoined meltdown.
In hindsight... the two biggest signs we can identify clearly via-hindsight in BOTH RADs are duplicity and triangulation.
It's really not so much that our adopted young adults were lying TO and ABOUT us... it is that they had an uncanny ability to be ANYTHING to anyone.
They would chameleon into whomever they believed they "should" be for so very many different circumstances. I really believe they've been lying to THEMSELVES far more than they have been lying to us and others.
Our RADs especially LOVE to be rescued. As I try to figure out what motivates them... it became apparent that "rescuing" has been the one constant in their lives... Rescued from biomom... rescued out of various foster/adoptive homes into various other foster/adoptive homes (17 foster and adoptive families for our "officially diagnosed RAD" between age 21 months until we brought her home at one week to age six!)
Our RADs were rescued again as young adults... by "well meaning" but ignorant christians ...not to embark on their lives as young adults, but to each move into their friends' parents' homes and but to live as "children" in these demented-couples homes... each as "legal adults" calling one new couple their "new mommy and daddy."
Our RADs gravitate toward gullible people who are easily manipulated into "rescuer" role of RADtriangulation.
Our "officially diagnosed RAD" continues to play the victim outside our home and lie and triangulate against those who appear to be their "bestest friends." I wonder if her "rescuers" ever hears what she says about/against us, then wonders what she has said about/against them!!!!!!
It seems from your blog your daughters arrived at your home post-puberty. I'm glad your church is being so supportive! I encourage you to forewarn those helping about RAD and how to best be supportive of your family as a whole! Help them to recognize triangulation and encourage/educate them NOT to step into the role of Savior... explaining that God Himself is the Only One Who should hold that role!!!
-And... Thank you GB's Mom... your prayers for us are always MUCH appreciated!!!!!
Re-post puberty arrival... I meant to (but neglected to) go on about how your role as an adoptive parent will probably be more about facilitating your daughters to embrace and take responsibility for the decisions THEY make regarding THEIR lives that they are build or destroy with each and every decision...
Giving our kids Jesus is THE BEST thing any parent can do... With God all things are possible!!!!
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