I'm in a location where access is limited. I don't know if I've blogged on this topic already or not. It has been brewing a long time
When dear hubby and I went for pre-adoption training, the instructor explained the varety of tragic circumstances that preceed voluntary and involuntary TPR (termination of parental rights) then asked "do you expect a child who has lost everyone important to them to thank you for adopting them?"
In that class my heart broke for all the innocent hurting children in the world. I did not expect a hurting innocent child to say "thank you" for us welcoming them into our hearts and home.
Fast forward 18 years. This month it is 18 years since our family of three overnight became a family of six. It has been eighteen years where three of the six have given the very best of everything we have to offer, most valuable of all; our hearts. (So verysadly, the oldest of the newest three was only with us three months before she ended up being placed for adoption by her-not-their bio dad. She was murdered 5 years later when at 18 she visited her-and-our adopteds' bio-mom.)
I realize that the age appropriate season of detachment as young adults has reawakened so many of our adoptees' abandonment issues. Issues that sadly has scarred them it seems for the duration of this side of eternity they will bear those painful scars regardless of the many years where it truly appeared our newest children walked in mental health.
I keep finding myself expecing if not the words "Thank you", at least a resemlance of an attitude of gratitude.
Surely by now they must realize WE are not the source of their deep wounds. Their illness certainly causes damage to the "cause and effect reasoning" part of their brain. But the cause and effect reasoning part of their brains are not COMPLETELY BROKEN!!!
We've equipped them to deal with the HUGE feelings associated with the HUGE TRAUMAS they experienced befoe we ever met them.
We've taught them how to accept responsibility when their actions have hurt others.
We've taught them how to say and mean "I'm sorry."
We've taught them how to say "Thank you!"
We three who have provided only health, hears healing and love have been the targets of the two that remain's illness inspired lies and manipulations.
When dear hubby and I went for pre-adoption training, the instructor explained the varety of tragic circumstances that preceed voluntary and involuntary TPR (termination of parental rights) then asked "do you expect a child who has lost everyone important to them to thank you for adopting them?"
In that class my heart broke for all the innocent hurting children in the world. I did not expect a hurting innocent child to say "thank you" for us welcoming them into our hearts and home.
Fast forward 18 years. This month it is 18 years since our family of three overnight became a family of six. It has been eighteen years where three of the six have given the very best of everything we have to offer, most valuable of all; our hearts. (So verysadly, the oldest of the newest three was only with us three months before she ended up being placed for adoption by her-not-their bio dad. She was murdered 5 years later when at 18 she visited her-and-our adopteds' bio-mom.)
I realize that the age appropriate season of detachment as young adults has reawakened so many of our adoptees' abandonment issues. Issues that sadly has scarred them it seems for the duration of this side of eternity they will bear those painful scars regardless of the many years where it truly appeared our newest children walked in mental health.
I keep finding myself expecing if not the words "Thank you", at least a resemlance of an attitude of gratitude.
Surely by now they must realize WE are not the source of their deep wounds. Their illness certainly causes damage to the "cause and effect reasoning" part of their brain. But the cause and effect reasoning part of their brains are not COMPLETELY BROKEN!!!
We've equipped them to deal with the HUGE feelings associated with the HUGE TRAUMAS they experienced befoe we ever met them.
We've taught them how to accept responsibility when their actions have hurt others.
We've taught them how to say and mean "I'm sorry."
We've taught them how to say "Thank you!"
We three who have provided only health, hears healing and love have been the targets of the two that remain's illness inspired lies and manipulations.
