Dear Hubby and I were away on a lovely trip and struck up a conversation with another couple. Their daughter is in the same line of work that I do. The mom expressed concern that her daughter "cares too much" and has been hurt quite badly. Well conversation went on to detail how this successful adult daughter had hoped to save some rent money by getting a roommate. Thanks Craigslist!!! The roommate ended being a grown adult "project." Whom their caring daughter has ended up supporting.
The couple went on to say this adult "new member of their family" wasn't their daughter's romantic interest, just "such a sad case" ...was abandoned by her mother when she was very young. Etc etc etc.
Because daughter still hoped to save money by sharing expenses... She then invited her younger sister to move in and share 3 br apt in DC area so the two sisters could support this sad adult who seemed perpetually unable to find/keep work enough to chip in on expenses.
The couple we met went on to explain how this "unofficially adopted" adult "daughter" their family had taken in as their "own" had fairly well used the family for all they're worth and stabbed them in the back for their "kindnesses."
Just before this trip, the woman of concern was successfully removed from their daughters' apartment with MUCH DRAMA...
The couple were concerned their tender hearted daughter might feel sorry for the woman with a long history of abandonment and allow her back.
They were fretting about their adult children's safety and wellbeing while they were vacationing in the middle of another country.
Hubby and I listened and had the ability to explain to this couple about "issues common to adopted adults." We explained how pretending to be "the family this poor woman never had" was their first mistake. We encouraged SHOULD they decide to continue some kind of relationship, they should establish strong boundaries and if this woman craves "family" they should encourage this woman to restore contact with the family she enjoyed before adulthood. We encouraged friendship/without providing for this capable and manipulative adult.
We strongly encouraged should they as a family decide to continue with this woman who profited from and seriously endangered their family... We encouraged keeping very clear strong borders and definitions of who their own "real" family is.
The couple went on to say this adult "new member of their family" wasn't their daughter's romantic interest, just "such a sad case" ...was abandoned by her mother when she was very young. Etc etc etc.
Because daughter still hoped to save money by sharing expenses... She then invited her younger sister to move in and share 3 br apt in DC area so the two sisters could support this sad adult who seemed perpetually unable to find/keep work enough to chip in on expenses.
The couple we met went on to explain how this "unofficially adopted" adult "daughter" their family had taken in as their "own" had fairly well used the family for all they're worth and stabbed them in the back for their "kindnesses."
Just before this trip, the woman of concern was successfully removed from their daughters' apartment with MUCH DRAMA...
The couple were concerned their tender hearted daughter might feel sorry for the woman with a long history of abandonment and allow her back.
They were fretting about their adult children's safety and wellbeing while they were vacationing in the middle of another country.
Hubby and I listened and had the ability to explain to this couple about "issues common to adopted adults." We explained how pretending to be "the family this poor woman never had" was their first mistake. We encouraged SHOULD they decide to continue some kind of relationship, they should establish strong boundaries and if this woman craves "family" they should encourage this woman to restore contact with the family she enjoyed before adulthood. We encouraged friendship/without providing for this capable and manipulative adult.
We strongly encouraged should they as a family decide to continue with this woman who profited from and seriously endangered their family... We encouraged keeping very clear strong borders and definitions of who their own "real" family is.
1 comment:
I so wish I could talk to the people my son briefly attaches himself to... the women he calls, "Mom," the girls he calls, "fiancee." He tells them about his hard life in foster care, RTCs and prison (never mentioning our loving family). He convinces them to see him as a poor kid who needs taking care of... while he sucks them dry and then moves on (a few weeks is the longest he can handle a relationship).
If he hadn't spent the last 3.5 years in prison, I know I'd be a grandma many times over, and probably never see a single child.
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