February is coming.... That thought had me smiling to my core!
It is February.
My heart overflows!
February is the anniversary month of finalizing our adoption...
and most significantly lately...
...the anniversary month of the first time I met real-live adoptive moms who REALLY understood and were living our parallel adoptive universe.
At the time, most of the other mommas' experiences may have been as many as 17 years behind our family's experiences...
But I was/AM
SOOOOOO GRATEFUL for the tangible reality that I am not alone!!!!!
I think our family's adult-adoptee experience may have really frightened those just embarking on early adoptive life...
For me, finding out my family was not alone in this bizarre-o world of loving and caring for traumatized children adopted out of generations of addiction and abuse was simply more evidence a Hand that reached out to pull us up from our adoptees' flattening attacks.
That first wonderful long-weekend in Orlando and the ETAAM events that have followed are part of my heart's "stones of remembrance."
My first year attending a sweet beautiful woman gifted each attendee with a stone engraved "I am NOT alone"
That stone, and those women remain precious to me!!!!
It will soon be seven years since our "healed hallelujah!" young adult adoptees attacked our family in a "RADtypical" manner that is fully in-line with the mental health diagnosis the middle adoptee was "officially given" after bouncing around 18 families before joining ours at age six.
Our "unofficially diagnosed" son proves exactly how much he doesn't have Attachment Disorder by remaining estranged almost 7 years from the family that raised him. He's continuing to pretend in adulthood his bff's family is his "real" family... And they are delighting to "serve in" that role in their own brand of insanity wholeheartedly under the impression they're serving Jesus to do so.
Meanwhile this son has honored his own son with two of the names we'd given him. Not his birth name, not his grandmother's married name (that the children's last names were changed to as the state attempted to unify this quasi-related group of 3 children with very different last names who never really lived together beforehand in order to place as a "sibling group" in one adoptive family) not the names of his latest "real family" RADtypically triangulated rescuers...
Our grandson bears our family name inherited to him through adoption... and our grandson's first name is the middle name we gave our son at adoption.
Fascinating stuff.
Bizarre-o adoption world.
The officially-diagnosed-adoptee peeks in from time to time. Tells us she loves us. And means it. I believe she knows we mean it when we tell her how much we love her.
Her history before us and resulting illness, makes relationships hard for her.
She RADtypically wears masks and has "RADtypically" manipulative stories that gain the sympathy of her RADtypically triangulated rescuers. Stories that she struggles to keep straight depending on whom she's talking with.
The lies she's told (continues to tell) RADtypically prevents her and her young daughter from comfortably enjoying time with our family.
We're grateful she does come around from time to time... and we're glad to see her when she's strong enough to step out of the drama triangle her disease has her living in.
Relationships are hard for the attachment disordered adult adoptee.
Meanwhile, she's been reaching back to bio-family. We've always encouraged our adoptees to have mercifully kind and loving thoughts toward their family of origin.
Addiction is hard.
Our adoptees' cousin has internet presence and is quite vocal about her perspective of generations of their biological beginnings.
It's tough.
So totally foreign to us.
We don't fully "get-it" but we keep trying.
And we love them.
We're eager to see them... as much as their illness will safely allow.
It is February.
My heart overflows!
February is the anniversary month of finalizing our adoption...
and most significantly lately...
...the anniversary month of the first time I met real-live adoptive moms who REALLY understood and were living our parallel adoptive universe.
At the time, most of the other mommas' experiences may have been as many as 17 years behind our family's experiences...
But I was/AM
SOOOOOO GRATEFUL for the tangible reality that I am not alone!!!!!
I think our family's adult-adoptee experience may have really frightened those just embarking on early adoptive life...
For me, finding out my family was not alone in this bizarre-o world of loving and caring for traumatized children adopted out of generations of addiction and abuse was simply more evidence a Hand that reached out to pull us up from our adoptees' flattening attacks.
That first wonderful long-weekend in Orlando and the ETAAM events that have followed are part of my heart's "stones of remembrance."
My first year attending a sweet beautiful woman gifted each attendee with a stone engraved "I am NOT alone"
That stone, and those women remain precious to me!!!!
It will soon be seven years since our "healed hallelujah!" young adult adoptees attacked our family in a "RADtypical" manner that is fully in-line with the mental health diagnosis the middle adoptee was "officially given" after bouncing around 18 families before joining ours at age six.
Our "unofficially diagnosed" son proves exactly how much he doesn't have Attachment Disorder by remaining estranged almost 7 years from the family that raised him. He's continuing to pretend in adulthood his bff's family is his "real" family... And they are delighting to "serve in" that role in their own brand of insanity wholeheartedly under the impression they're serving Jesus to do so.
Meanwhile this son has honored his own son with two of the names we'd given him. Not his birth name, not his grandmother's married name (that the children's last names were changed to as the state attempted to unify this quasi-related group of 3 children with very different last names who never really lived together beforehand in order to place as a "sibling group" in one adoptive family) not the names of his latest "real family" RADtypically triangulated rescuers...
Our grandson bears our family name inherited to him through adoption... and our grandson's first name is the middle name we gave our son at adoption.
Fascinating stuff.
Bizarre-o adoption world.
The officially-diagnosed-adoptee peeks in from time to time. Tells us she loves us. And means it. I believe she knows we mean it when we tell her how much we love her.
Her history before us and resulting illness, makes relationships hard for her.
She RADtypically wears masks and has "RADtypically" manipulative stories that gain the sympathy of her RADtypically triangulated rescuers. Stories that she struggles to keep straight depending on whom she's talking with.
The lies she's told (continues to tell) RADtypically prevents her and her young daughter from comfortably enjoying time with our family.
We're grateful she does come around from time to time... and we're glad to see her when she's strong enough to step out of the drama triangle her disease has her living in.
Relationships are hard for the attachment disordered adult adoptee.
Meanwhile, she's been reaching back to bio-family. We've always encouraged our adoptees to have mercifully kind and loving thoughts toward their family of origin.
Addiction is hard.
Our adoptees' cousin has internet presence and is quite vocal about her perspective of generations of their biological beginnings.
It's tough.
So totally foreign to us.
We don't fully "get-it" but we keep trying.
And we love them.
We're eager to see them... as much as their illness will safely allow.
1 comment:
Oops! MARCH is the month I first met face-to-face awesome ETAAM mommas. February (and every month) is the month my heart overflows with appreciation for all those mommas who have gone before and who will follow afterwards sharing their experiences and hope.
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