In Our Thoughts Prayers and Dreams

This parenting gig doesn't end.  Even when kids you love choose estrangement.
Father's Day I honored Hubbie, my baby-daddy -such a wonderful daddy that he accepted others' children to raise as his own... with the same undying love he has for our biological child.  (Not that adopted/bio EVER made any difference... Until Reactive Attachment Disorder RADtypically attacked at the time when age-typical-embarkation to adult life  reawakened our adoptees' abandonment issues.)

Nightly my love mentions our children, their children and even their RADtypically triangulated against us "rescuers"... Whomever is currently pretending to be "the awesome parents our adoptees never had" ...unknowingly perpetuating our kids' estrangement as they "rescue" our kids from dangers that never existed (in OUR home).

Aside from us praying nightly for our kids by name... Adoption issues have been a small part of my daily life although thoughts of the kids, prayers for them, flow regularly throughout.

This has been a bigger than normal "adoption issues" week for me.  Bumping into adoptive friends I've not seen in almost a year... Calls from friends who call me 'cause ppl who haven't adopted would NEVER understand.

I dreamt of the murdered child's father a few days ago.  Googled and found an online presence.  Found a "throwback" photo of our adoptees' biomom.  I thought... Wow... Same face... She'll probably look just like that when she's middle aged!   Then I noticed caption.  Wow.  Our adoptee is already older than biomom when that photo was taken.  Addiction is such a hard life.

My work sends me all over.  From time to time I work almost walking distance to the address that consistently shows court history for biomom.  I don't think that address is the brothel/crack-den where various sources have said our son was born... But I suppose it's nearby.  I honestly don't know. There's this little (big?  I have no idea) microcosm of life so foreign to everything I know.  A place where their reality is so very different than my own.

I wonder sometimes what keeps adopted daughter away.  She's said she's made contact with bio family... I wonder if that's part of it.   She's shared her shock at biomom's manipulations which sound like the same manipulations the murdered child would tell me about.  There is a reason the children couldn't stay safely in that microcosm.  It was never their fault.  We always encouraged our adoptees to have loving thoughts about their birthparents.  Tried to explain how consuming and distorting addiction can be.  We always encouraged if our adoptees choose to explore their biological roots that they be careful... Cause it was during a visit with the family of origin that the oldest was murdered at 18.

Anyway... I wonder from time to time if connecting with birthmom plays some part in our daughter's estrangement.  I don't think it should.  I've struggled for almost 7 years of estrangement to understand our adoptees thought processes.

As I drove near that neighborhood for work recently, I wondered if our grandchildren have been to their biogranny's  house.  

I dreamt of our adoptees this week.  In the dream (like in real life) our adopted daughter was running around the church people we raised them near, causing strife against us.  I dreamt church families were struggling marriages, children, health issues.

  In the dream I told our daughter... It's okay... We love you... We've only ever had you and your siblings as our children.  Our love is irrevocable.  You've had about 19 families before us.  Everything you're doing is SO NORMAL for kids who've had beginnings similar to yours!   We love you, and allow you to love the ones before us.  You might find comfort in the knowledge you are not alone in your experiences.  We love you.

In my dream she began sobbing.  The church ppl surrounding her became suddenly distracted by their  own family, health, relationship issues.   I woke up praying health, healing, happiness and Love... for them all.

Stones of Remembrance

February is coming....   That thought had me smiling to my core!

It is February.

My heart overflows!

February is the anniversary month of finalizing our adoption...

and most significantly lately...

...the anniversary month of the first time I met real-live adoptive moms who REALLY understood and were living our parallel adoptive universe.

At the time, most of the other mommas' experiences may have been as many as 17 years behind our family's experiences...

But I was/AM 

SOOOOOO GRATEFUL for the tangible reality that I am not alone!!!!!

I think our family's adult-adoptee experience may have really frightened those just embarking on early adoptive life...

For me, finding out my family was not alone in this bizarre-o world of loving and caring for traumatized children adopted out of generations of addiction and abuse was simply more evidence a Hand that reached out to pull us up from our adoptees' flattening attacks.

That first wonderful long-weekend in Orlando and the ETAAM events that have followed are part of my heart's "stones of remembrance."  

My first year attending a sweet beautiful woman gifted each attendee with a stone engraved "I am NOT alone"

That stone, and those women remain precious to me!!!!

It will soon be seven years since our "healed hallelujah!" young adult adoptees attacked our family in a "RADtypical" manner that is fully in-line with the mental health diagnosis the middle adoptee was "officially given" after bouncing around 18 families before joining ours at age six.

Our "unofficially diagnosed" son proves exactly how much he doesn't have Attachment Disorder by remaining estranged almost 7 years from the family that raised him.  He's continuing to pretend in adulthood his bff's family is his "real" family... And they are delighting to "serve in" that role in their own brand of insanity wholeheartedly under the impression they're serving Jesus to do so.

Meanwhile this son has honored his own son with two of the names we'd given him. Not his birth name, not his grandmother's married name (that the children's last names were changed to as the state attempted to unify this quasi-related group of  3 children with very different last names who never really lived together beforehand in order to place as a "sibling group" in one adoptive family) not the names of his latest "real family" RADtypically triangulated rescuers...

Our grandson bears our family name inherited to him through adoption... and our grandson's first name is the middle name we gave our son at adoption.

Fascinating stuff. 

Bizarre-o adoption world.

The officially-diagnosed-adoptee peeks in from time to time.  Tells us she loves us.  And means it.  I believe she knows we mean it when we tell her how much we love her.

Her history before us and resulting  illness, makes relationships hard for her.

She RADtypically wears masks and has "RADtypically" manipulative stories that gain the sympathy of her RADtypically triangulated rescuers.  Stories that she struggles to keep straight depending on whom she's talking with.

The lies she's told (continues to tell)  RADtypically prevents her and her young daughter from comfortably enjoying time with our family.

We're grateful she does come around from time to time... and we're glad to see her when she's strong enough to step out of the drama triangle her disease has her living in. 

Relationships are hard for the attachment disordered adult adoptee.

Meanwhile, she's been reaching back to bio-family.  We've always encouraged our adoptees to have mercifully kind and loving thoughts toward their family of origin.

Addiction is hard.

Our adoptees' cousin has internet presence and is quite vocal about her perspective of generations of their biological beginnings.

It's tough.

So totally foreign to us.

We don't fully "get-it" but we keep trying.

 And we love them.

We're eager to see them... as much as their illness will safely allow.

Dancing into the Sunset

Ha ha!

This year one of my hubby's birthday gifts to me was the promise to enroll us as a couple in the community's Senior Citizen center.  His (older, but I'm catching up for sure) age allowed us to join as a couple.  I've got a pal whose been eager for me to "qualify" so we can do fun things together there like ping-pong... and I've been eager to join the arts classes they offer.

Together and happy together,  my husband and I are entering this silvery season of life... I laugh because we keep advancing in maturity...  we are dancing together into the Sunset.

I tell friends I'm looking for the brakes... I don't want to get off the ride, I'd just like to "slow my roll."  Ha ha!

As I read through this blog I'm often disappointed by how poorly my adoption related writing reflects the joys relating to our "reality" of day-to-day life most days.

I'd started, but never much felt "inspired" to blog in my non-adoption blog.  The way I see it is when I talk anything but adoption seemingly the whole world "gets it."  My need to share that joyous part of our lives is satiated. 

As you who know... know, we get to share the happy realities of everything with all our friends and family... I simply don't have much need to express further my daily life... and to feel heard... and understood.

And you who know... know, so many JUST DON'T GET the typical complications of  adopting Attachment Disordered individuals.  This blog is where I feel the need to relate with you who really "get it."  I appreciate you!  I cherish you!!!  You are a bigger gift to us than you can even imagine!!!!

In all other aspects of life...
My dear hubby and I are dancing into our sunsetting years and we are having fun!!!! 

 

LOVE this gif!!!  Not sure who to credit!!!!

I'd like to take a moment to encourage our fellow adoptive parents especially the ones who are where we were 20 years ago early in the adoptive way of life...

...PLEASE....

...be careful not to burn the sacrifice of your relationship with the one you're supposed to dance off into the sunset with as you pour yourselves out to extinction on the "altar of finding healing" for the child(ren) who through no fault of their own... and through no fault of ours have issues that they will most likely struggle with their whole lives.  

Oh how I continue to pray

  "healed hallelujah!!!"

would be the next plot twist 

for our adoptees' 

complicated lives!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'd like take a moment during this typically busy holiday season to encourage all adoptive parents to take note from airline safety protocol... make sure you're obtaining and maintaining The Oxygen your marital relationship needs to survive!  Commit to making sure your relationship's needs are securely in-place every-step-of-the-way as you try to help those who are yet unable to care for themselves.  

Most of our kids are supposed to grow up and embark on their adult lives... 

...helping them as best as we are able is a fine and noble high calling... 

...just PLEASE

don't loose perspective 

of your happily-ever-after.   

We, the parents 

who have blessed,

and been blessed by

these children 

who were not conceived by us... 

raising them in our families... 

in our homes...

...are supposed to enjoy life in our nest together with the our spouse long after our children have flown to the extent they are capable.  

Merry Christmas!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

May the peace of Christ fill your hearts and your homes!  

Little Couple Adoption

Adoption continues to be a "storyline" that captivates the hearts of so many.

My hubby and I are cheering for The Little Couple as they seek to share their experiences, and love adopting special needs children whom they already LOVE long before they have ever met them.

Isn't Will ADORABLE???

After raising our special-needs-adopted-half-bio-sibling-group to (what is appearing to be their RADtypical) adulthood, my hubby and I are enjoying fond memories of the early adoptive years while watching the enthusiasm, the wonder, the joy, the adventure of building their family through adoption... This couple reminds us of our younger selves... eager to share every good thing with their children, whom they are eager to meet, but have already committed to love from the bottom of their hearts, and care for with all the means they have.

It seems like this exceedingly intelligent couple is somewhat knowledgeable about Attachment Disorder.  I've heard it mentioned a few times as I watch.   I cringe a bit... as brilliant, professional Dr. Mom proclaims that with some children adopted out of similar circumstances attachment could be a problem, but it's obvious because their son has been so quickly affectionate with them he CLEARLY has no attachment issues.  Hmmm...

At the same time, I don't want to for a minute awaken them from this dreamy wonderland where their hearts are truly overflowing as their family expands with one, and soon, two already beloved children. As I watch, I'm hopeful, prayerful, that it will be different for them than it has been for us.   I want them to have the beautiful years... I just don't want RAD to come crashing into their happily ever after.

After all, how can the cuddly affection of "our new" child be a sign of an attachment issue? (Any "expert" that doubts the sincerity of this heaven-sent little angel's affection MUST be a quack!!! ...right?)

Anyone who hasn't really experienced Reactive Attachment Disorder... will NEVER fully understand.

Children ARE absolutely a delight... and what a blessing it is to have them, to love them, to raise them.  Almost any parent knows how quickly we'd sacrifice ourselves to prevent our beloved children from experiencing the slightest pains.    As real parents we find out there's almost never an option for us to bear our child's hurts instead of watching them suffer.

Adoptive children come to us with a long history of pain that we simply cannot-no-matter-how-much-we-want-to take for them.  Often our children have lived through  the horrors (whatever they may have been) that has caused them to be separated from their "first family" and we simply could not have protected them... usually we were not there. 

In reality, if the adopted child had been fully protected they never would have lost their first family... and however many caregivers filled the gap until adoptive family could raise them.

For the adopted child, adoption is always loss.

However the first family was "lost" there is always the "knowledge" to the core of their being they don't belong.  I've read in Nancy Verrier's   Coming Home to Self: The Adopted Child Grows Up   the concept that the mirror "betrays" the adopted child... and even though it's not politically correct to discuss the ways an adopted child genetically is very different from the family they are adopted into, the child has this sense to the core that they don't "really" belong.  That phenomenon is no reflection what-so-ever of how much parents want, love, care for the adopted child... but it can be mis-percieved by the adoptee to be "evidence" of how the adopted parent's never accepted, loved, cared for, the adopted child.

In chatting with various adult adoptees, I've found the sentiment of not "feeling" like they belong to be quite present... and I've recommended Verrier's book as a good place to explore issues quite common to adopted adults. 

I've recently had the opportunity to meet and work alongside a senior citizen adoptee... adopted out of an American orphanage... back when orphanages was where orphaned children were cared for in these United States, until adoption.

I've heard those who have benefited from this personable-service-driven-adult-adoptee's dedication and diligent labors comment how "he's always told us we are his family."

*Sigh*

I've not had the opportunity to ask what his relationship is/was like with his adoptive family after he reached adulthood.

As I continue to strive to understand all that is going on in the hearts and minds of our adoptees, I continue to meet and speak with adoptees of all ages... the one common thread I see is... regardless of age, there appears to be a lifelong effort to continually try to define and redefine who their "REAL" family is... because it appears it remains a life-long struggle for the individuals who I've had the privilege of speaking with.

I also am privileged to share strength and hope with other adoptive parents.

One delightful dedicated adoptive momma who was instructing me how critical it is for ALL adopted individuals to maintain ties to birth family... yeah, I'm not a fan of cookie cutter answers... I'm thrilled that appears to be working in her circumstances, but in reality she's still in the thick of it all... her kids are young.  She got a bit quiet when I told her our placed for adoption-daughter, disrupted to be with her-not their bio-father,  was murdered at 18 years old during a visit to our kid's birth mom.

There's no cookie cutter solution, no One-Size-Fits-All answers.  I can't pretend for a minute to know what's best.  If anyone had asked me during the "Beautiful Years" I'd have sworn I was indeed an expert. 

Meanwhile... I watch the adoption storylines on tv, Reality-television, and scripted shows... The Little Couple, Giuliana and Bill, Gene Simmons' Family, Patty Stanger, Parenthood, etc etc etc... with great interest, amazed how optimistic I remain, as so many adoption storied unfold on TV through reality and scripted television shows. 

I can't say for a minute I'd want my family's story on TV, but I've found great strength and encouragement through the blogs of awesome adoptive parents...

While I'd never wish the suffering related to RAD on any family, I'm so-very-grateful to know we're not alone in the adventures of loving our adoptees, despite how the pain of their Attachment Disorder continues to hurt them and us. 

RAD on TV

Ha ha ha,

I saw this commercial for Daisy Sour Cream, and in it parents are visiting another family, and the mom asks, "What's our son doing in the Bennet family portrait?"

"What's our Son Doing in the Bennet Family portrait?"

Without missing a beat I said "He's got RAD!"

Hubby and I laughed hard.

Gee if only we had known it was the sour cream!

Hope you are all well!!!

Desperately Seeking Shock and Horror Sympathy and Gifts

Before there was Barney... I was a kid.

Even though there was no Barney, I watched a TV kid show with a singing Dinosaur called H.R. Pufnstuf...

I remember me and the siblings laughing and giggling and singing Witchiepoo's song...
even though we got the lyrics wrong...

As a kid I thought the lyrics were "Oranges Poranges Who Cares!"

Oranges Poranges

When I think "who cares?!" 

I think "Oranges Poranges." 

Feel free to thank me for getting that song caught in your brain!


I've been trying to figure out our estranged "officer RAD"'s motivation for reaching out to our more gullible  extended family to "visit" on a trip up to our home town. 

Yes, there's always the symptomatic RADtypical Triangulation aspect. 


It occurred to me this morning her "audience" of sympathy back here in the town she was raised might actually be waning.

As I think, I wonder...How long can gainfully employed "young adults" continue to gain sympathy, gifts, money, affection, and attention for the various abuses they're pretending to have endured in our care?  Sooner or later the gravy train will dry up. 

The act gets stale... at least that's what I would think.

 Shoot, I can't imagine what motivates the crazies who slurped up our RAD's drama and ended up drooling for more... these nutsos pay for their "real-life-is-better-than-soap-operas" brand of entertainment rewarding our adult RADs with "love" and money and gifts, and sympathy and attention, but I think...I hope... that eventually they might tire of the same old drivel. 

I think perhaps the long-standing local :rescuers" may finally be picking up on the fact that our loving-attached-well-adjusted daughter who grew up in the same home with the same "abusive" parents doesn't want or need them to rescue her from us.  Perhaps the self-appointed-"saviors" are picking up on the "You make me sick, what's the matter with you? Leave our family alone!" vibe our oldest has toward the "church community" who have continued to meddle, and drool and meddle and drool and "rescue.

Certainly they must pick up on the fact that for every week-long+ visit our oldest only willing to spend about an hour or less with the siblings who have attacked our family and perpetuate tales insane falsehoods.

Our now 3-years-older-adult-RADs are not as pitiful as they first appeared when they started their RADtypical triangulation of the community at large against us.

Shoot, in the land of the gainfully employed our "pathetic abused little darlings" are doing better than most of the adult children of their RADtypically triangulated meddlers!

I imagine somewhere even in "rescuers" whose brains have faulty wiring... would eventually have a light come on!!!  How could it not?

Some parents have always been bums.  I'm not saying that to be mean... I'm saying that because generations upon generations of our adoptees' bio-family have allowed "the system" to raise their kids. Lousy parenting is a generational way of life for them... for people in their drug infested environment.  I

We are not lousy parents.  We never have been. 
Half the shock and horror effect that has the insanely deranged audience captivated by... 
THE SCANDAL of our "Beautiful Family"
... is the supposition that we have had this "plastic perfect" exterior while living a secret life of abuse that  would make the next great scandalous reality show.

Our "story" would be far less captivating if we had always been bums in their eyes.  These drama hungry goons put us on a pedestal in comparing our beautiful family to the mess they had made of their own.  They have since enjoyed pushing us off their pedestal, trying to make us crumble, because they are eager to dance in our dust.  It makes them feel better to think we are at least as horrible as they know they have been. 

As our adult RADs broaden their adult-circle in the big outside world and begin to encounter people who were left to grow up in the environment social services removed them from...BEFORE they came to us...  I'm sure there is not much tolerance for our adoptees' "tales of woe" having been raised in our nurturing home... especially as they encounter individuals who were REALLY raised in abusive/neglectful/deprived environments. 

Anyway It seems officer RAD, in reaching out to family she's only related to through the parents she denies, with hopes chasing down a new audience, looking to renew reactions of shock-horror-and-sympathy-and-gifts with those gullible individuals most likely to be generous once entertained by RAD drama. 

I suspect the drama is finally loosing it's power. 
Drama that has been officer RAD's bread and butter;
her roof  and pillow;
her transportation and gifts;
her attention and sympathy...
let's not forget her "only" source of "love."

Oh how I would love for our daughter's RADtypical drama to start to get "Oranges Poranges! Who Cares!" as a response instead of Shock and Horror and Sympathy and Gifts.

When our RADs stop getting tangible and not so tangible reinforcement for their RADtypical behavior, I'm certain they will begin to be encouraged to make healthy choices along life's path.

The Not-So-Delicate-Anymore Orchid

The Mother's Day just before RAD melted down, the two (who would just 2 1/2 months later become estranged) gave me a beautiful orchid. 

Shortly after Mother's Day, that beautiful delicate orchid appeared to die off.

It then come back with glorious blooms a couple of times before our RADs had their meltdown. 

I had never owned an orchid, before... had always wanted one...  had heard they were difficult to care for. 
I was amazed in the beginning how so-very-easy this beauty was! 

After our RADs melted-down the orchid went stagnant. 

It looked like it had some life, but no matter what I did, it wasn't thriving and it certainly wasn't giving blossoms. 

I tried to "save" the plant, but tired quickly of investing so much effort caring for something, though once beautiful, that was not giving back. 

I also had much pain looking at a reminder of my adopted children's loving generosity... reminding me of a time that I was blissfully ignorant our beloved adoptees were fast in-the-process of spiraling downward toward a crash that would devastate us all. 

I hate to give up on beautiful living things.  

I hate to give up on ugly living things.  

I hate to give up!

It was simply too painful to continue to care for a gift that reminded me of good times with the ones who have been hurting us so deeply.

I remembered a family friend mentioned her step-mom put a seemingly "expired" orchid in the woven branches of one of their palm trees and it continues to bloom regularly without effort or maintenance. 

Our quasi-tropical environment is a good environment for many living things... I put the non-performing orchid in the shade of our shrubs near the front door.  It would get water with rain and/or the sprinkler system, be protected from the harsh sun, and be out of my direct line of sight from day-to-day. 

Curious I'd peek at it from time-to-time.  If it ever appeared dead... I figured I'd re-use the pot for something else.  It continued to hang in there.  If it had life... I wasn't going to give up on it. 

Until recently, it hasn't exactly thrived... but it didn't die either. 
Our wild bunnies nibbled on it for a while... lol ...the rabbits put a comically big-mouth-shaped bite on one of the plant's two leaves, then it seemed the rabbits didn't care for it so much anymore. 

I've been content letting the delicate orchid live a not-so-delicate life. 

It's been out, on its own, doing its own thing  for about 2 years now...  without much visible progress at all. 

Recently the orchid appears to be near-ready to bloom. It's darker, haggard, not nearly as pristine as it was when it arrived fresh from the green house.  It's sprouted a third leaf... and actually has the potential for blossoms!

Two days ago I noticed a shoot containing buds rising out of the plant ... I checked the external/internal pots for critters (none)  and brought the not-so-delicate-anymore orchid back in.  It looks like the orchid might have ended almost 2 years of stagnation and might just indeed bloom!

I'm hopeful... and encouraged!

I realize this orchid does not have a "spiritual link" to my kids who gifted it to me. 

But... when RAD melted down...
The actions, as parent, that I've had most peace about have been...
praying for them as often as they come to mind...

and

...just letting go of them... 

...allowing them do their own thing....  

                                                ...uninterrupted...
                                                             ...whatever that might be. 

(Like I ever had much choice to do anything else lol!)

I'm hoping... like the orchid... as our two young adult RADs have been doing their own thing for a couple of years now... they'd eventually show signs of health and healing, gain their bearing and blossom into adults strong enough to once more become a beautiful part of our lives.

Hubby reads me an "In Touch" devotional almost nightly. The devotional, linked here, popped up around the same time the orchid showed much progress. It confirms to me letting go of our adultRADkids doesn't, by any means, mean we've given up on them!

The Puppets, the Puppeteers, and the Grand Master Puppeteer

I believe...
          there will come a day...
                                   where the ones
                                                  who think
                                                                THEY are pulling all the strings...

                                                          ...will realize and recognize...                                   

EXACTLY...                    

whose puppet they are. 

I'm eager for our RADs
to choose to surround themselves
with people who love them
enough 
to tell them truths...
                                  ...truths that may be hard to hear...
                                                                            ...truths that are critical to our RADs' ability to walk in mental health.

Surely one day, it will dawn....
                                     .... crowds that surround...
                                                                                   ...and applaud...

...REALLY love the entertainment

...tremendous personal pains provides.

Yes!!!  The audience MAY be enamored...  

...for a season...

******************************************************************************
Faithful are the wounds of a friend;

but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful.

Proverbs 27:6  King James Version (KJV)

Adoption Chewed Us Up Then Spit Us Out!

Yet we remain HUGE  fans!

My husband and I consider it our honor and privilege to be parents!  

We have been blessed with Three children.

Two through the miracle of adoption

One through the miracle of birth.        

                                         

While my husband and I were dating, 

long before we ever talked marriage, 

we talked adoption.  

Adoption was a heart's desire 

divinely placed deep within both of us. 

 

When our bio-daughter was born, 

we raised her preparing her 

to welcome the siblings 

we'd "some day" adopt. 

When she was 8 years old

we realized the dream.  

She was thrilled... 

she still is.

  She loves her siblings 

even though

their RADtypical behaviors 

continue to hurt us all deeply.

We LOVE our adoptees...

...we HATE the fact that RAD rages against our love for our adoptees.       

This year
my husband and I
celebrate 28 years

of wedded bliss.

This year our family 

celebrates 

"sweet 16" 

years of adoption.

All our children 

are legally adults.

 Adoption-wise

the last two years

have been 

FAR from sweet.

They have been

pretty much

textbook RAD.

Things had gotten SO good during the "Ten Beautiful Years" we actually thought RAD was outgrown.  Gone forever.  A faded memory.  Faded so much, in fact, I actually needed to be reminded!

To those of you currently in the trenches parenting RAD
battling DAILY for your child's mental health...
Can you imagine?  The LIVING HELL of RAGING RAD being SO faded a memory that someone outside your home has to remind you how bad it once was?  

That's where I was, almost two years ago
DAZED AND DEVASTATED
after our young-adult-adoptees attacked us during a
 a conjoined meltdown 
the likes of which we would have NEVER imagined possible...
EVER.   
My brother lovingly, gently reminded me;
"Do you remember how troubled they were when they were first placed?"
Yes.  
I remembered!
"Reactive Attachment Disorder with Hypervigilance" is the diagnosis our daughter's psychiatrist gave.


Almost 15 years later,
after "Ten Beautiful Years" where we were pretty convinced RAD was "healed hallelujah" to the point we kinda had forgotten the diagnosis was given...

We were shocked to hear from EVERY professional we consulted that  our adoptees' behavior as young adults was COMMON.  

Young adult adoptees

frequently attack 

their loving parents 

as they embark 

into their "adult" lives.    

 The experts "see it all the time!"

Why didn't ANYONE warn us?

If they had, would we have listened?

Can our pain help others?

 Halleluiah!  

NOTHING is wasted in God's economy!!!  

 God even designed it so  POOP can be fertlizer...

...AND...

fertilizer makes good grounds for growing!

Right?!!!

 I'd like to make a bumper sticker that says; 

"Fertilizer Happens!"

My hope is for this blog to share what "worked" during our "Ten Beautiful Years" and what we might have done differently if we had known more about RAD than what we-ourselves-reported as "bizarre behavior" to our child's psychiatric team 16* years ago.
*Back when the RAD diagnosis was given to our adoptee 
it was not explained to us.  
At that time NOTHING was published for parents about RAD.
(and IF  "searching the internet" existed back then, we certainly didn't have the tools to do so!)

I'm soooooo thankful there is so much published and available for parents regarding their adopted children's serious mental health condition now! 

Covered in fertilizer 

I remain grateful... 

...RAD is making the news! 

...Some WONDERFUL counselors know AND/OR are willing to learn how to BEST support RADkids 

by supporting the adoptive family as a whole!!!

... there are so many brave parents committed to loving their children enough to seek and do what is best!

...so many trauma-mommas blog about the realities of parenting RAD so others can know they truly

"are not alone!"

... And my heart remains full of hope!

Our Ten Beautiful Years after three VERY DIFFICULT years in the beginning gives me hope our RADadoptees will once more develop the strength to walk in BEAUTIFUL mental health back into LOVING relationship with the family that has ALWAYS loved them...

We who loved them long before they were ever born!

Have we been hurt?  More than word can describe.
Would we have adopted again?  Absolutely.
We continue to pray for our children whose illness hurts them and has hurt us so badly.
We continue to pray for adoptive families everywhere.