Yet we remain HUGE fans!
My husband and I consider it our honor and privilege to be parents!
We have been blessed with Three children.
Two through the miracle of adoption
One through the miracle of birth.
While my husband and I were dating,
long before we ever talked marriage,
we talked adoption.
Adoption was a heart's desire
divinely placed deep within both of us.
When our bio-daughter was born,
we raised her preparing her
to welcome the siblings
we'd "some day" adopt.
When she was 8 years old
we realized the dream.
She was thrilled...
she still is.
She loves her siblings
even though
their RADtypical behaviors
continue to hurt us all deeply.
We LOVE our adoptees...
...we HATE the fact that RAD rages against our love for our adoptees.
This year
my husband and I
celebrate 28 years
of wedded bliss.
This year our family
celebrates
"sweet 16"
years of adoption.
All our children
are legally adults.
Adoption-wise
the last two years
have been
FAR from sweet.
They have been
pretty much
textbook RAD.
Things had gotten SO good during the "Ten Beautiful Years" we actually thought RAD was outgrown. Gone forever. A faded memory. Faded so much, in fact, I actually needed to be reminded!
To those of you currently in the trenches parenting RAD
battling DAILY for your child's mental health...
Can you imagine? The LIVING HELL of RAGING RAD being SO faded a memory that someone outside your home has to remind you how bad it once was?
That's where I was, almost two years ago
DAZED AND DEVASTATED
after our young-adult-adoptees attacked us during a
a conjoined meltdown
the likes of which we would have NEVER imagined possible...
EVER.
My brother lovingly, gently reminded me;
"Do you remember how troubled they were when they were first placed?"
Yes.
I remembered!
"Reactive Attachment Disorder with Hypervigilance" is the diagnosis our daughter's psychiatrist gave.
Almost 15 years later,
after "Ten Beautiful Years" where we were pretty convinced RAD was "healed hallelujah" to the point we kinda had forgotten the diagnosis was given...
We were shocked to hear from EVERY professional we consulted that our adoptees' behavior as young adults was COMMON.
Young adult adoptees
frequently attack
their loving parents
as they embark
into their "adult" lives.
The experts "see it all the time!"
Why didn't ANYONE warn us?
If they had, would we have listened?
Can our pain help others?
Halleluiah!
NOTHING is wasted in God's economy!!!
God even designed it so POOP can be fertlizer...
...AND...
fertilizer makes good grounds for growing!
Right?!!!
I'd like to make a bumper sticker that says;
"Fertilizer Happens!"
My hope is for this blog to share what "worked" during our "Ten Beautiful Years" and what we might have done differently if we had known more about RAD than what we-ourselves-reported as "bizarre behavior" to our child's psychiatric team 16* years ago.
*Back when the RAD diagnosis was given to our adoptee
it was not explained to us.
At that time NOTHING was published for parents about RAD.
(and IF "searching the internet" existed back then, we certainly didn't have the tools to do so!)
I'm soooooo thankful there is so much published and available for parents regarding their adopted children's serious mental health condition now!
Covered in fertilizer
I remain grateful...
...RAD is making the news!
...Some WONDERFUL counselors know AND/OR are willing to learn how to BEST support RADkids
by supporting the adoptive family as a whole!!!
... there are so many brave parents committed to loving their children enough to seek and do what is best!
...so many trauma-mommas blog about the realities of parenting RAD so others can know they truly
"are not alone!"
... And my heart remains full of hope!
Our Ten Beautiful Years after three VERY DIFFICULT years in the beginning gives me hope our RADadoptees will once more develop the strength to walk in BEAUTIFUL mental health back into LOVING relationship with the family that has ALWAYS loved them...
We who loved them long before they were ever born!
Have we been hurt? More than word can describe.
Would we have adopted again? Absolutely.
We continue to pray for our children whose illness hurts them and has hurt us so badly.
We continue to pray for adoptive families everywhere.
1 comment:
I probably wouldn't have listened back then. I was still starry eyed and believed love cured all. Thanks for sharing.
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