Holidays and Estranged RADs

Our oldest is visiting and we are LOVING our time with our still sweet and cuddly, capable of reciprocating love child.

We all are having fun with the new puppy... what a nice treat to have the pitter patter of his little feet around the house!!!

Cousins will come up to visit while our daughter is here... and everything has been quite joyous.

We do have our moments. 

Today for example shopping in a store that was completely decked out for the holidays... Christmas music was playing... and my hubby grumbled... "I HATE Christmas!"

I told him I loved him, and I loved the fact that I get to spend Christmas with him...

My sweet tenderhearted hubby who loves our children so very much burst out crying "Our family is broken!  I hate it!  This is not what Christmas is supposed to be!" 

I've been trying to balance the pain associated with RADtypical attacks against us, with the knowledge that truly this is NOT personal, it's mental illness... I wondered tonight if our RADs are capable of empathy... are the capable of realizing their behaviors cause pain, and be sorry for it. 

I remembered when our kids were first placed with us... our new daughter was very concerned for the people she'd seen sleeping under the bridge.  That seems pretty darned empathetic. 

I also remember it taking seemingly forever for them to be sorry for more than getting caught... BUT when they finally would "get it" they'd get it... and demonstrate what appeared to be appropriate regret and sorrow for hurting others. 

So I'm encouraged through my memories of who they were... and we're still praying for them... alot!!!

As much as 3.5 years later our pre-adoption core family is coping SO MUCH BETTER than we have been since the RAD's conjoined meltdown and attack against us... it still sucks knowing we have poured every good thing we have into children who are "done" with us... not just "done and gone" but done, gone, and still "working" the "poor pathetic abused orphan" game for whomever knows us,  is willing to listen, and reward them with money, gifts, time and attention in exchange for the entertainment their concocted tales of woe provide.    

Anyway... I'm trying to focus more on the awesome things God gives us... and there is certainly to be very grateful for!  We keep praying for all... and we're so very grateful to know we are not the only adoptive parents going through this.

Happy Thanksgiving! 

The Kind of Mom I Wanted to Be

There was a woman who really inspired me as a kid.  She was a great role model for the kind of mom I wanted to be.  She was an adoptive mom.  I don't remember her name, I don't remember her daughter's name, but I do remember the kind of parents she and her husband were... and I wanted to be parents like them. 

Invested.  Interested.  Devoted. 

Mission accomplished.  It's nice to look back with confidence knowing I've achieved one of the hearts desires I've had as a life's goal. 

It was soooo cool to have been back in the old neighborhood seeing "their" house again.  I thought about knocking on the door... and letting them know what an impact they had made in my life.  The house looked like yuppies had taken over.  And I wasn't sure if their house was one in, or two in from the corner.  I opted not to knock and see. 

In my mind I wondered how a visit might have gone.  I wasn't so eager to see former friend who was my age, but I was eager to see her parents.  (I recall not especially liking her...but I really loved how her parents loved her!!!)

There was a part of me that wanted to hear about their brand of "happily ever after" regarding their adoption.  I wanted to hear how their kid "turned out."  I wanted to hear about their inspiration for adoption. 

The adoptive couple had introduced me to the card game "Bullshit!" where the purpose of the game is to lie again and again and get away with it. 

I wondered after raising RAD adoptees if that game was part of RADtastic parenting to cope with the profuse lying associated with Reactive Attachment Disorder. 

As we passed the street where their house was, I asked my mom if she remembered my friend from years gone by... Mom didn't... it's okay... I didn't remember their names either.   

Maybe I'll have the gumption to knock and inquire about them the next time I'm in town. 

Our New Bundle of Joy!

We've adopted again. 

We'd planned to do so after we had gotten some travel out of the way... We wanted to be "fully present" for our new addition... "when the time comes." 

We've got a little fluffy puppy... he is ADORABLE!!!!    We've given him the same name our daughter had chosen for the first teddybear she'd ever really named all by herself.

It is an adorable and cutesy name... he is an adorable and cutesy pup.  He is guessed to be a small mixed breed. 

He's estimated to be about 4 months old.  He can already "fetch" and "sit" on command.  Smart puppy!!!

I wonder if he's older.  The "pros" decided his age by his teeth... because he was abandoned with his (already adopted-out) sibling.

It's nice to have the happy pitter-patter of happy little feet around the house!

I'm a tad freaked... 'cause if this guy lives as old as our other small dog... (20) That would put me close to 70 when he could potentially "cross the rainbow bridge."  Yikes.  I have no problem with me being about half a century... no problem with that at all... No problem with the "snow on my roof" but the thought of how quickly the 20 years with our last sweet pup flew by... yikes!!!!!!

I have a feeling I  should buckle up!!!!  It's already been a heck of a ride!!!!