Today, I'm giving myself permission to grieve if I need to. Today is THE official date that first comes to mind every time I think about "scheduling" grief so it won't consume my life. Other dates "of significance" are slated, but they don't stand out as THE day. Today is THE day.
Today marks the 4th anniversary of our adoptees' conjoined meltdown. (Which makes 10 years in total that we never knew our adoptive daughter, 6.5 years we never knew our adoptive son.)
Today just happens to also be the day our oldest, who flew down to celebrate our birthdays, is flying home.
I'd marked the calendar to grieve if I wanted to...
Hopping out of bed to drop our sweet daughter at the airport so very early, it was so very easy to grab the simple "mourning" outfit I'd selected so long ago for this "special" date...
Daughter commented how pretty I looked in my easy breezy black floor-length dress. Pretty wasn't what I was going for, she didn't have to know that. On the drive in to the airport, daughter, hubby and I talked about today's "anniversary" and hubby and I encouraged her that it's okay to grieve if she needs to... no pressure. She thought it was weird and preferred to forget the date not remember it. We explained it was a counselor's suggestion to acknowledge grief, and schedule it so we can readily and really enjoy other dates without grief over taking us.
Anyway we said a quick goodbye at the airport with awesome hugs and had to hurry home for hubby to start work on time.
Today I'd planned to light my candle if I need to, so far I'm not feeling the need. I'm probably more tired than anything. When our daughter is in town late nights and fun running around keeps us a tad sleep deprived.
The fact that August 1 happens to be "National Girlfriends Day" it REALLY helps me feel grateful and encouraged!!!!! I heard about "National Girlfriends Day" for the very first time yesterday on TV. I'm so very grateful to have so very many truly beautiful life long friendships! I'm also so very grateful there is also this on-line blogging sisterhood of parenting RAD that has allowed me to meet, talk with, email, text etc... etc... etc.... so very many awesome women I've met through sharing my experiences in parenting RAD. These newest "girlfriends" who have also devoted their hearts to welcoming traumatized children into their families, seem to be living our parallel universe. I'm so very grateful for the friendships that have developed seemingly out of the rubble left behind when RAD attacks.
Today, is earmarked for grief... but I'm not yet feeling it... I've given myself permission to grieve all day if need be, but honestly, right now... I'm more grateful than grief filled. Each moment that passes it seems I accept a little more the fact we invited them to be part of our "forever family" but their concept of "family" and forever has been marred courtesy of their birth family and the system that poisoned their minds. Their experiences long before we ever knew them told them again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again that forever, and family never lasts.
It's not their fault. It's not ours either.
Peace.
2 comments:
I didn't end up lighting the brass & glass votive.
I didn't dig out (or turn around photos) of our beautiful years... deep downI don't think I'll ever want to get rid of those (now painful) reminders... because things were truly beautiful back then... but I'm still not ready to have photographic evidence of those beautiful years out on display full-time yet.
There are a scattered few photos of our happy adoptive family out, but they are quite scattered and quite few. I've dug out and have portrayed many of the photos that I had tucked away when our kids first joined our family. I didn't want our "new" kids to be hurt by the fact that we were a happy family long before they came to our home.
I'm strangely comforted by the "secret" I tried to keep from our adoptees... WE WERE A HAPPY FAMILY LONG BEFORE WE EVER KNEW THEM... and there is still much joy in our lives despite the fact they have left a gaping hole in our hearts.
Hubby keeps one photo on his desk, front and center... it's of our three kiddos cuddling together in a horse drawn carriage ride we took on one of our many pleasant vacations.
I don't know how he has the fortitude to look at it every day. God bless him. He is such a kind, loving, generous, forgiving man!!! His heart is pure marshmallow. Our kids are blessed to have the privilege of calling him "Daddy."
I did start out the day of scheduled mourning in my long black dress, but wanted to be clothed comfortably enough to get things done if I felt so inspired... so I changed shortly after getting back from the airport.
I napped a lot that day
I find my brass and red glass votive comforting... so for now I'm keeping it on the table by the front door.
*displayed... not portrayed. Haha. I’m so silly
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