Dear hubby and I have had an unexplained prayer burden for our son specifically spanning the last 4 days. Our son has not responded to contact since he turned 18. He'll be 21 in October. Just celebrated his first wedding anniversary. We didn't know HOW or WHY he was struggling. God just whispered in our ears he was... And we needed to pray for our all-grown-up little boy. Our oldest/bio-daughter keeps shallow intermittent contact with her adoptive siblings. We encourage and support that contact, but do not pry. We don't want her to feel like an informant. We tell her she is welcome to share what she needs to share and keep confidences private.
It is truthfully easier for us NOT to hear their activities.
Our oldest/bio-daughter has shared BIG things that concern her... but doesn't share much else....
Eg- RADdaughter traveling to Germany to "meet" a man she never met before but was in love with him through his mother at work.
-RADson enlisted.
-RADson eloped
-and the day before I saved this post to draft.... Our oldest/bio-daughter shared our son was being shipped overseas.
I'm grateful for the privilege to pray for our adoptees. My prayer is every day they'd take more and more steps closer to healing.
I hate that they are hurting. I hate that their pain from early traumas experienced long before we ever met them causes them to lash out at this family that has lovingly welcomed and raised them. I hate that they have hurt the us so badly because thy are hurting.
I am grateful for the "inside scoop" of prayer burdens for them from The One Who knows them best.
3 comments:
Praying, too. Sometimes all you can do is pray and wait.
Hi, I found your blog with GBs Mom's blog and I was absolutely blown away!!!! I have two RAD adoptees who both left on their 18th birthdays (one last April, one this most recent April). It's only been a few months for my son but over a year for my daughter. I seem to be struggling more with this whole situation than my husband, but it is overwhelming for our whole family. The last 2 years were horrible and we knew we were just holding on by our fingernails most of the time - trying to "get to 18" with no one pregnant, on drugs or incarcerated (that seems to be our only successful part of this). So much of what you've written could be my story. I am so glad I found your blog.
Lisa
greenelisam@gmail.com
Thank you GB's Mom and Lisa.
Lisa, I really wish you had no idea what this was like. However I do take much comfort in the fact we are not alone in our experiences.
I blog about it because as we started going through the living hell our "adult" adoptees have been putting us through, EVERY PROFESSIONAL, judge, counselor, cops etc etc etc said they see this kind of stuff with adopted adolescents ALL THE TIME.
And I continue to wonder IF "the professionals" all know this happens... WHY DIDN'T ANYONE TELL US! (During the season that things were "beautiful" and we believed the kids were "healed halleluiah" I doubt I would have believed such a nightmare could EVER be possible. HOWEVER had I heard of the possibility for these precise behaviors... my memory would have remembered that "THIS IS TYPICAL OF KIDS ADOPTED OUT OF EARLY TRAUMA!" I know that foreknowledge would not have instantly made things "all better" as we watched our kids lash out against us as they spiraled out of control... but it definitely would have helped!!!!
When our newly adopted daughter was diagnosed with "Reactive Attachment Disorder with Hypervigilance" there was nothing published for parents regarding that diagnosis until it appeared she had begun healing.
My hubby and I find ourselves similarly frustrated with the lack of "material" available to educate parents about what I'm finding is an all too "common" stage as adopted young adults lash out at the parents who have lovingly raised them during the chronologically "age-appropriate-season" for young adults to embark on their independent adult lives.
Our adoptees attack has FELT VERY PERSONAL... but I am convinced their behavior is not personal... it is mental illness.
Healthy individuals do not behave as they continue to.
This Mother's Day & Father's Day, our RADs have "started" to reach back to us (very brief text/email messages). It is a start, and I am grateful, but I am also VERY CAUTIOUS. They have destroyed every speck of trust I once had in them. I don't know if or how that trust might ever be restored... but I do know it will require difficult work on their part.
We were complimented when Social Services came to investigate our Daughter's false allegations... the Worker said we should be proud, we've done a great job raising them... that most calls she goes to are homes of children our adult-kids' age where the strung-out-stoned parents have multiple toddlers by different daddies all crawling amid open exposed accessible illegal drugs.
We were told the social worker's investigation determined we could adopt again if we wanted to. I don't think we'll take them up on that generous offer... however I do remain a fan of adoption. I know our kids needed homes, and loving families to belong to. I would love for there to be resources to support the families who make this huge commitment to these very needy kids. It is not THEIR fault they are the way they are... but it is not OUR fault either.
Parents who make this commitment really need help!
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