We have been asking certain family members for more than three years that IF they choose to have contact with our estranged adult adoptees...
PLEASE learn about Reactive Attachment Disorder!
PLEASE learn how to best be supportive of adoptive families as a whole!
PLEASE learn about triangulation that is symptomatic of RAD... and don't allow yourself to be triangulated!
We never forbade family to see or talk to our children. We have only asked for a consistent message of "Your parents love you, YOU NEED TO TALK TO THEM NOT ME about what's going on between you."
Somewhere along the line the easily triangulated ones with the "rescuer" gene would fluctuate between,
"Let's all smile pretty and pretend nothing happened!"
and
"Don't worry, just because your parents suck, IIIII still love you! You'll ALWAYS have MY love!"
and
"I have to hear both sides of the situation before I can make a proper judgement about what's going on between you and your parents."
It seems like last night FINALLY one couple of the most painful perpetuate-ers of strife in our family seemed to "get" how their "good intentioned" meddling has continued to hurt us and our family over the last three years.
This is huge!!!!
We are grateful for progress.
We are grateful for family and friends who support our adoptees' return to mental health by supporting our family as a whole.
We continue to pray for the rest.
PLEASE learn about Reactive Attachment Disorder!
PLEASE learn how to best be supportive of adoptive families as a whole!
PLEASE learn about triangulation that is symptomatic of RAD... and don't allow yourself to be triangulated!
We never forbade family to see or talk to our children. We have only asked for a consistent message of "Your parents love you, YOU NEED TO TALK TO THEM NOT ME about what's going on between you."
Somewhere along the line the easily triangulated ones with the "rescuer" gene would fluctuate between,
"Let's all smile pretty and pretend nothing happened!"
and
"Don't worry, just because your parents suck, IIIII still love you! You'll ALWAYS have MY love!"
and
"I have to hear both sides of the situation before I can make a proper judgement about what's going on between you and your parents."
It seems like last night FINALLY one couple of the most painful perpetuate-ers of strife in our family seemed to "get" how their "good intentioned" meddling has continued to hurt us and our family over the last three years.
This is huge!!!!
We are grateful for progress.
We are grateful for family and friends who support our adoptees' return to mental health by supporting our family as a whole.
We continue to pray for the rest.
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