Look at her... look at her life... Look at her children.
The more one looks, the easier one will understand how drama is so attractive to her.
Thursday, December 3, 2015
"I'm thinking about our kids today."
"I'm thinking about our kids today."
My husband and I find ourselves saying this to each other often.
It's code for "My heart is hurting. When will the pain stop?"
Today I was fantasizing about a day when thoughts of our children would not enter our brain. I think a strong dose of Alzheimer's would be required for that to happen.
We think often of ALL our kids ... not just the ones who have RAD.
We get "warm fuzzy" feelings when we think of the daughter who reciprocates in our parent/adult-child relationship.
The adult-children who RADtypically lashed out at us... even our Ten Beautiful Years of happy memories HURT...
My husband and I find ourselves saying this to each other often.
It's code for "My heart is hurting. When will the pain stop?"
Today I was fantasizing about a day when thoughts of our children would not enter our brain. I think a strong dose of Alzheimer's would be required for that to happen.
We think often of ALL our kids ... not just the ones who have RAD.
We get "warm fuzzy" feelings when we think of the daughter who reciprocates in our parent/adult-child relationship.
The adult-children who RADtypically lashed out at us... even our Ten Beautiful Years of happy memories HURT...
Walking in Courage Doesn't Mean Your Knees Won't Knock
I am SOOOOO impressed with our oldest daughter's maturity and bravery!
She has been making many love based decisions... that look past what is comfortable... to choose what is VERY UNCOMFORTABLE... so she can go forward in life with the least amount of regrets.
Last night she dove into the piranha tank... to be supportive of her brother's marriage.
She has been making many love based decisions... that look past what is comfortable... to choose what is VERY UNCOMFORTABLE... so she can go forward in life with the least amount of regrets.
Last night she dove into the piranha tank... to be supportive of her brother's marriage.
"Forever Family"
.
The ONLY mother I have ever had is now his widow.
.
Both are my biological parents.
.
My six biological siblings and I were raised by both of them, together.
.
Had Dad lived a few more months...
Mom and Dad would have celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary this year.
What a wonderful thing it is
to be confident in love!
Dad and I
have always been
part of
a
"Forever Family."
have always been
part of
a
"Forever Family."
In Dad's "last years" our bio-daughter frequently commented with admiration how my Dad was loved and respected by MANY ...and looked up to as a "father figure" to so many fatherless individuals.
***
Certainly there is pain and grief regarding loss of my beloved "Daddio" here on earth!
Yet,
the pain related to my father's death
is not nearly as
deep
and as
and as
cutting
as the depth
of
pain
and
grief
related to our adult RADs' "RAD-typical" rejection of us.
"They"
(adoption promoters)
PROMISED us
and our "new" kids
we would be "Forever Family."
My definition of "Family" is directly related to my experiences.
My kids draw their definition of "Family" from their experiences.
I believe one of our biggest problems
in our relationship with our adult adoptees is
we've had different experiences.
I can't imagine going through life without the foundation of my Mom ALWAYS being my Mom... and my Dad ALWAYS being my Dad.
We prayerfully hope one-day our RADaffected adoptees will be able to have loving reciprocal relationships.
And while we wait...
my husband, bio-daughter, and I
remain heartsick!!!!!!!!!!!!
.
.
.
"Hope deferred makes the heart sick,
But when the desire comes, it is a tree of life."
But when the desire comes, it is a tree of life."
-Proverbs 13:12
Wednesday, December 2, 2015
Giving Thanks and Babies
This Thanksgiving I got to spend much time with two little ones. One, just turned one and is taking her first steps... 8 consecutive steps at our house thrilled her grandparents because it had been the most she'd taken to-date.
The other little one is our oldest daughter's friend's first child. He's almost two months old.
I thoroughly enjoyed time with the house hustling and bustling with guests of all ages... and I especially loved time with the little ones.
I've always been "good with kids." That's part of the reason why I've enjoyed being mom so very much!!!
In the midst of enjoying these sweet babies whom we celebrated with great anticipation their arrival, as well as each and every milestone they continue to achieve, there is a little one, because of her mother's estrangement we don't have permission to celebrate.
I've contemplated various "celebrate her life anyway" ideas... donating gifts "in her honor" to various crisis pregnancy organizations... I just can't get worked up about doing that, yet.
The other little one is our oldest daughter's friend's first child. He's almost two months old.
I thoroughly enjoyed time with the house hustling and bustling with guests of all ages... and I especially loved time with the little ones.
I've always been "good with kids." That's part of the reason why I've enjoyed being mom so very much!!!
In the midst of enjoying these sweet babies whom we celebrated with great anticipation their arrival, as well as each and every milestone they continue to achieve, there is a little one, because of her mother's estrangement we don't have permission to celebrate.
I've contemplated various "celebrate her life anyway" ideas... donating gifts "in her honor" to various crisis pregnancy organizations... I just can't get worked up about doing that, yet.
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